A
female
age
30-35,
*ane
writes:Hi there..so i have a boyfriend of 2years and 7months.i'm almost 16 and he's 17..i tell him he is going to be an "adult"[18yrs old] in a couple of months[January] and that he should start looking for a job because he is not a child anymore..i know i want to be with this guy for the rest of my life but if he doesn't have a job by the time we're out of high school,i don't know if he will ever be ready for us to have a REAL life together.i know anything can happen between us from now until we're out of high school but we are in love and never want to be without each other.. and don't think i'm going to be all dependent on him in the future because i will be independent even when i am married..-the question: he has never had a job and is not very into getting one soon, should i be worried?please, can someone give me their advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): So you have been dating this boyfriend since the age of 13 and you KNOW you want to be with him for the rest of your life and you are worried already because at the ripe old age of 17 he has never had a job and he needs to get one as he will be an adult at the age of 18. Do I have that about right?
You know people are raised in families and families have different ideas and values about what a successful life involves.
I will let you know my values and then you can decide for yourself whether or not to pay attention.
First off, the fact that he is not currently employed while in high school is not of great concern if he has good academic performance and plans to continue his education beyond high school.
Secondly, the fact that he is not offering you a REAL relationship at the ripe old age of 17 is of no concern if he has plans to find out who he is as a person and what his real potential is as a human being, if he wants more than being a sperm donor for a baby factory.
Sorry, that was mean. But I am trying to shake some sense into you. You have not been on your own since childhood, yes 13 to 18 is childhood not adulthood. Both of you will change drastically between the present and the time you are around 28. You don't even know who you both really are....you are just wet behind the ears kids. And you are thinking like one. You have no idea what a REAL life entails because you haven't experienced enough to really know what it is you really want. You have never dated a variety of people to find out what you really want in a relationship, you have merely adapted to what you currently know and already you are unhappy and mistrustfull of what he can provide for you which should actually be your responsibility to yourself.
Get an education, learn a skill, find a way to be financially independent on your own. Husbands and boyfreinds leave, they get sick and die, you change and evolve and you are just a child who thinks they know who they are, but you don't you haven't even started your life as an adult. Most marriages that start at the age of 18 result in divorce smply biecause people outgrow eachother and don't really know what they want or how to manage a life together. You are in a rush. Why? Let him live his life and you live yours and if you find each other in a few years great, but now is not the time to start pressuring him into something he is unprepared to handle. It isn't the right thing for you and isn't the right thing for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): So you have been dating this boyfriend since the age of 13 and you KNOW you want to be with him for the rest of your life and you are worried already because at the ripe old age of 17 he has never had a job and he needs to get one as he will be an adult at the age of 18. Do I have that about right?
You know people are raised in families and families have different ideas and values about what a successful life involves.
I will let you know my values and then you can decide for yourself whether or not to pay attention.
First off, the fact that he is not currently employed while in high school is not of great concern if he has good academic performance and plans to continue his education beyond high school.
Secondly, the fact that he is not offering you a REAL relationship at the ripe old age of 17 is of no concern if he has plans to find out who he is as a person and what his real potential is as a human being, if he wants more than being a sperm donor for a baby factory.
Sorry, that was mean. But I am trying to shake some sense into you. You have not been on your own since childhood, yes 13 to 18 is childhood not adulthood. Both of you will change drastically between the present and the time you are around 28. You don't even know who you both really are....you are just wet behind the ears kids. And you are thinking like one. You have no idea what a REAL life entails because you haven't experienced enough to really know what it is you really want. You have never dated a variety of people to find out what you really want in a relationship, you have merely adapted to what you currently know and already you are unhappy and mistrustfull of what he can provide for you which should actually be your responsibility to yourself.
Get an education, learn a skill, find a way to be financially independent on your own. Husbands and boyfreinds leave, they get sick and die, you change and evolve and you are just a child who thinks they know who they are, but you don't you haven't even started your life as an adult. Marria
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Well gosh. The guy is only seventeen years old. I know plenty of kids that didn't have a job until they were out of high school. Granted I had a job when I was fourteen, but maybe his parents don't make him go out and look for a steady income. That's awesome that you want to be independent, even in marriage. That's a quality that a lot of women lack, but I really don't think you have to be worried about him getting a job just yet. I mean if he is lazy in all other aspects, such as school and everything, that might cause some worry. But I would just wait until he is out of high school. Is he going to college? Does he have any ambitions? Those are the questions you have to ask yourself. As for a "real" life together? It's wayyyy too early to even be thinking about that. Marriage and kids and a place together shouldn't be on your mind until you get a bit of college out of the way. That's how you truly become independent. Because you are set and able to take care of yourself in case something happens to whoever you end up with. So good luck. And don't start looking into the fact that he doesn't have a job until after high school.
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