A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online and we hit it off pretty well (in my opinion). I was teasing him by calling him Mr. John, then he started to call me Rossie as a way of teasing me back. He started asking me questions about myself, like where I was from and would ask me about what was happening currently in my life and would ask questions about that too. He was being playful and started saying things like "I would wrap my hands around your waist and look into your eyes and enjoy the view" and then he would ask me if I wanted a kiss (this is still over text). He would text me when he was going in/out of the shower, what he was doing and he would apologize and explain why he didn't respond quick enough. He is very quick with his replies and is comfortable talking about his own life (e.g. his father is disabled and has trouble feeding himself so he does it).He asked me for my social media (e.g. facebook) but I gave him my whatsapp number instead because I don't add people I don't know well enough onto my facebook, we have spoken twice. Technically, he asked me "Can I have your social media one day?" I told him to remind me and then he said "Can I have it now?". I gave it to him 2 days ago and he still hasn't texted me. For both conversations I was the one who initiated, but only once a week (I need time to myself too lol).To be honest, when he was texting he said he was getting tired of the auto correct on his iPhone so I suggested to him he should buy a samsung and he said he would get one that night. I'm not sure if he actually did or not. I'm being so anxious because I really like the guy, and I want him to text me but I have doubts. I have been the one initiating for both but he hasn't initiated back. He is online when I am but he doesn't send me a message? Now I feel like I am being paranoid lol
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2020): He's a player, he knows what to say to innocent women who are way too ready to believe all the bullshit. How can either of you possibly know if there is any attraction when you have never met. All you know about him is he's good at texting. Probably got what to say to women from a book. Tell them you want to look into their eyes, tell them you look after your disabled dad or some such to make them look good and after a while they will start to believe that you have feelings for them (!) and send you a picture of their naked bodies. This is usually what this kind of banter is usually about. Men want pictures of naked women like the rest of us need oxygen and so they are taught how to talk to women who are not clued up, in the hope that they'll undress and give them new wanking material. He could be married, he most likely talks to loads of women and is trying to get the same from them.I too, wonder in amazement how so many women fall for all this crap. You have written down every single flirty thing he has said to you, remembering them, taking them to bed with you and dreaming about them. Falling for it hook, line and sinker. You really have to wise up if you're going to be talking/texting with men online. Come at it from the realisation that many, many have learned to be smooth talkers and say all kinds of romantic crap so they can get nude photos. This is their holy grail.You also said that you didnt want to give him your social media because you dont know him well enough, but then you seem to have done so? Stick to your guns about how much contact info you give men or anyone. You don't know him! You sound like you need to wise up and need to start taking everything some random guy on the internet says to you, (that you've never met) with a VERY large pinch of salt.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2020):
 I vote for " chill pill " too. You sound very anxious and very eager over... not much. So you were flirting and bantering back and forth. So, he was asking you questions about you, like where are you from and what are you up to these days... Erm, that's normally what happens when you meet people on line, isn't it ? You chitchat and joke back and forth, you ask " where are you from " etc.etc. I mean, it's not that people generally can, or want ! , to start straight on with a debate about, say, quantum physics, or the concept of " moral imperative " in modern philosophy !
People banter, people schmooze- that does not necessarily mean that they are very attracted, very interested, or very motivated in getting to know you. Have you thought that he may be flirting on line with a score of other girls ? and getting numbers from them too, and deciding in his own good time if, when and with whom to get back in touch ?...
Only time would tell. And 2 days is really too short a time for being concerned yet, so, relax, and, as WiseOwlE suggests, don'get so involved at this early stage !
You are talking as if he had promised you something or declared you his eternal love,- only to just vanish in thin air right after.
It's not like this. He was flirting , as he probably does with other girls too, - I'm pretty sure that from his side he does not take these things as seriously as you do , it's sort of a game, or a passtime. Not saying that things starting this way could never develop into something deeper, but...in the meantime, do not get too wound up about nothing and do not go courting heartbreak when there's no cause.
Anyway : not to jinx a, perhaps, budding romance, but IMHO it does not look good. The guy sounds cheeky, a smooth talker, the line about his hands around your waist etc. sound precisely what a guy would tell you if he wanted to impress you and make you feel good,- but never if he were really and seriously into getting to know you better.. And the Iphone autocorrect thing is a totally lame and untrue excuse . Add to this that the two times you talked you had to initiate..... All in all, in your shoes, I would be far from optimistic; I don't think things are going to take off.
This, though, does not contraddict when I say that a silence of two days is too short to mean something. Two days IS too short a time, to decide if he is making fun of you. Wait another week or ten days , before crossing him out ... leave the initiative to him , see if he can act, and not just react to your avances.... but in the meantime, please, try to not get so carried away, from what you describe what passed between you was the usual flirty banter, not something showing that he was smitten !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2020): Pullback your feelings. Take an extra-strength chill-pill, girlfriend! You have never met this guy! It has been strictly over texting and social media. I see your age, and you're very young. If you frequently read DC; you'd notice that we get dozens upon dozens of these same kind of posts. You meet a guy online, you chit-chat through messaging, you hit it off, he charms you; and then it all goes cold. From flaming-hot, to lukewarm, it goes tepid, then it chills to a freeze.
Of course many will think I have no clue what I'm talking about! Some think, "if I'm too careful; then I'll never meet anybody!" That's not what I'm suggesting, or the point I'm trying to make. I'm not trying to discourage you from your online-dating. I'm suggesting you keep your feelings in-check; and base them on solid-evidence. Nothing online is real; until you can see it and touch it! Enjoy the games, and flirtations. Just stay level-headed! Stay on your toes!
Let me educate you young-ladies about this kind of thing. You're too trusting online, and you'll fall too easily for sweet-talk and a bunch of sweet'n'sappy messaging. Weirdly-spelled words, and goofy emojis! I scratch my head in total amazement; because when you're finally dating a guy (flesh and blood, whom you've actually met!) who really likes you, and he wants to have an actual relationship...that's when you decide you don't trust the guy?!! That's when you doubt what he says, and can't believe he really means it! You'll snoop his phone; check his search history, and inspect his underwear! These sweet-talkers online can make you believe anything!
There are a lot of trolls, trifles, and scumbags online who are nothing more than good-looking players. Some not-so good-looking, but smooth-talkers! They test your gullibility, and soften you up; just to see if they can create sexual-tension. Get your juices flowing! You'll be swooning; and all hot and bothered after each and every contact. Stop and think! Take a cold shower, and comeback to your senses!
Some get really bold, and talk you into sending him pics. Some of those guys try to entice you into sexting. Many well-seasoned players play their cards close to their chests. They're mysterious, and really get you going. They hit you with the sweet-talk, give you pet-names, and tell you what he'd do; if only he could get his hands on you! You're all giddy!
Any of this sound familiar? He's warming you up...because he's hoping for sex as soon as he meets you. He doesn't want any waiting-games; or having to spend money on a series of dates. Don't allow things to get too heated over the phone. He might be doing the "unthinkable;" while coaxing you on, and chatting with you...but I won't get graphic. We'll keep it rated GP! I'll leave it up-to your imagination; but that's why some dudes get you all wound-up! By getting you to fantasize, and preying on your imagination. All the while, he's testing you. "Is she going for the bait?"
Don't get me wrong ladies, that's not always the case. Some guys are genuine. Decent-guys do not leave you hanging for days without checking-in; and giving you a feasible explanation for gaps in communication. You both deserve breathing-room, and me-time!
Let me say this! Even if this guy's father suddenly passed-away; he would have let you know there was an emergency. You don't just suddenly go radio-silent. It's rude. He pried a phone number out of you; and now you're among his contacts. He can now work a little harder on you! Oh, but first...you have to be left to starve and crave his attention. He's got you hooked! He poured it on thick, then it stopped. Now you need a fix! You've got sweats and chills!
These guys will cleverly get your guard down by trading bits and pieces of information about themselves; to make you talk more about yourself. You'll unwittingly intimate your personal-fears, or your insecurities. The more you talk, the more info you're releasing that he can profile you; to use to manipulate, and learn what makes you tick. Yet they always have some pitiful sob-story; or try to impress you with a noble-deed they've performed. They flirt and play sweet little games with you; to make you feel special. Good-guys will do this too, but it usually leads up to something good. They're consistent. They're not toying with you. Players need to know your insecurities; so they can prey and play on them. They'll compliment you to death, and pour on the sappy-syrup until you feel slimy and sticky!
My warning to you ladies is this. Some of these guys are experts at their game; because they've played it so many times. Then when they've whipped you up to a fluffy state of intrigue and excitement; the contact suddenly tumbles with an anticlimactic ending. The wind suddenly changes direction, and your sails collapse. Keep reading DC, and you'll hear your own story told over and over!
You're left in a state of confusion. Wondering what you did wrong, or if he was just leading you on? It always happens at the peak of your interest; and when you think you're making a great connection. Some ghost you for days, some for weeks. Meanwhile, you're killing yourself! Dying to blow-up his phone, but afraid to contact him; because you don't want to look "desperate." Some of you do...that's so wrong! Just to get his voicemail!!! They'll always have a great built-in excuse for a quick escape, or a sudden silence. He's taking care of his disabled-father? How would you know how true that is? You don't! Do you? More like feeding his baby, and his wife isn't around. He's probably sitting on the toilet with the bathroom door shut; with his girlfriend in the next room! Who knows?
Covid-19 is the best cover for online-trolls and internet-Romeos! They can't meet you, but they can sext you! Send them a sexy pic, and he'll send you a pic of his junk! Could be anybody's junk!
These guys are sometimes married, or they have girlfriends. They play you along, until they finally get you eager and desperate to meet them. They will be the greatest guy you've ever met. They'll woo you like you wouldn't believe! You'll be so worked-up with sexual-tension, that you'll feel like you've know each-other for ions! That's from all that messaging and those long chit-chats. If you don't end-up having sex on the first-date, the second-date get's suddenly postponed; then he'll reluctantly reschedule for another. If you don't put-out; suddenly he loses interest and contact starts to lag. If he gets sex on the first date, the same-thing happens. Contact lags! He'll text less, his answers are shorter, all the sweet-talk stops; and he's always busy with work...or feeding his dad, or he got called in for an extra shift at work. Don't be a dummy! Now ladies, this is often true; but if you're level-headed, you'll take all this in stride. Good-guys will make it up to you. They don't message you until your eyes pop-out; they actually like to spend time with you. Take you out, and do romantic stuff.
Snap out of it, sweetheart! Girlfriend, if he doesn't call or text an explanation for the long pause; I'd write him off! He's all smoke and no fire. He's testing you, and sometimes the sleazy-ones don't like females who figure them out. He'll make you feel like you did something wrong; for being insulted, that he just left you hanging!!! Well, tell him this. If he respects you and really likes you, as he seems to be trying to make you believe; he would have been polite, and gentlemanly enough to not just leave you hanging without a word! [Said with a calm and dignified tone.] Not angry or shookup! Play it cool, baby-girl! If his comeback is rude, there you have it! A bad-guy tries to flip-it back on you, and make YOU feel bad. If he is seriously apologetic, you can accept his apology; but my suggestion is to dump him anyway! First he was so fired-up, lovey-dovey, and attentive; then it all fell flat. Good-guys don't do that.
That's our lesson for today! Take it or leave it! I can only hope I've educated one or two of you out there. With love, like you were my own daughter!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 July 2020):
 Maybe the whole point of the talking online was to "score" a number? So when he got yours he was done?
Or he did get a new phone (even though you can disable auto correct on iPhones too, so why would he get another phone?)
Can I just correct you here? You really like the IDEA of him, him (the ACTUAL person you don't really know). Be realistic. All you know is what he has told you, which may or may not be true. But even if what he told you IS true, it's still edited and filtered information. Which is normal in the beginning. So you need to take a little control of yourself here. Before you get SO invested IN him without truly KNOWING him.
I get that it's exciting to meet someone you click with, but slow your roll. And I know that people get a endorphin (happy hormones) rush from the whole back and forth EVEN in written media.
I would DEFINITELY leave it up to him to contact you. He asked for contact info, he got it and then he decided to NOT contact you. That makes no sense if he was/is really interested. So the ball is in his court, LET him be the one to bat it back. And if he doesn't within a week... feel free to block him and move on. Perhaps look a little closer to hope for romantic options? Someone you can actually get to know IN person?
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