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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok, so, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 10 months. We knew each other in school (about 3 years ago), and when we were at school, he kept bragging to only me, about this girl who he was having cyber-sex with on msn. When we got together, I thought I could just forget about this, but it always stayed in the back of my head, so one day,I decided to talk to him about it (to try n put my own mind at ease). When I talked to him about it, he started immediatly calling me a "liar", and said that I was "making things up!" I know that I didnt just imagine this at all, as when I wouldnt drop the subject till he told me the truth, all he could say was, "well, even if I did, I can't remember!" (this has been his answer for every lie he has told) During the beginning of the relationship, he told me that he had deleated her email address, but over the last couple of weeks, I came into our bedroom and he was checking his mail on our pc, and what did I discover? He had her email address on his account!To me, cyber-sex is something that u cannot just forget overnight. What do you think? I know that he has lied to me. He has either lied about doing the cyber-sex in the first place, or he has lied to me about not having cyber-sex.The example (above) is just one of the many lies he has told me throughout our whole relationship. He has told so many serious lies to me about women in the past, about places where he has been and things he has done while he has been out, and also lied about who he has been out with.This is becoming a serious issue for me, as the more lies he tells, the more insecure I become. I have tried leaving him, but he has even told me that he wont let me. He has literally held me back from walking out the door. I derent push him away from the door, as he used to be a little violent a few years back, e.g. if a girlfriend finished with him, he would punch metal and wood fencing till his knuckles were bleeding and bruised.He has never hit me or anything, but I was once sat on my bed, and we were talking. He got a wooden bat and hit the matress with it, missing my legs within inches. His temper has become better than it was, but I am scared that it will come back.I think that the lies etc... are making me very slowly lose love for him. The last time I tried to leave him, he threatened me with suicide. He said that if I left him, he had nothing to live for, and would throw himself in front of the first moving car he saw.So sorry 4 the length of this problem...Please help! What shall I do? Any help is much appreciated...
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insecure, msn, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (5 May 2006):
 Please take my advise...violent and aggresive behaviour is unacceptable whether he has hit you or not...you should never feel afraid of your partner! I am in a relationship with a guy who I think is a liar and I still haven't left him, the silly thing is it would be so easy for me to say that you should get rid because he has lied but when they don't actually honestly come clean and admit it its way too hard...I must say though the aggression thing is a complete no-no and if he has a temper then he probably always will. You shouldn't feel you have to stay with him because he says he is going to endanger himself, I know it might sound awful but thats just his way of stopping you from leaving him...this guy definitely needs help and you definitely need out! I hope you get out soon! Keep us posted on how you get on. Best of luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi there. thanks for all your replies, u have all gave me great advise. i had a little talk with him a couple of days ago, and he was so adiment that he hadnt lied to me about anything, so to see wot his reaction would be, i asked him to take a lie detector test to prove his innocence, and he refused straight away. i now know for deffinate that he has something to hide, so i decided to let him know about half an hour ago that i couldnt cope anymore, and i have got rid of him. again, thnx 4 the advise! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): This is a very tough situation, and I really feel sympathetic for you. When I first began reading, I thought this would be a situation where you and your boyfriend could just talk things out, but as I read on, I realized I was wrong. Listen, you need to get out of that relationship, period. Your boyfriend obviously has some anger and honesty issues that he needs to work out. Don't let that be at your expense, though. Instead of confronting him face-to-face to break things off with him, you need to get yourself at a distance from him. You should call him or write him a letter and tell him that you two are through, and that is that. Tell him he needs to work out his anger and honesty problems and you cannot be with him unless he does. I would suggest you write him a letter, because that way he cannot try to argue with you about this, and he'll be forced to hear your whole point through. If he tries convincing you to come back to him, ignore him! Don't take his calls or ANYTHING. You deserve to be treated better. You shouldn't be lied to and afraid. Please, for yourself, get out of this relationship. I hope everything works out okay for you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): This guy sounds like a complete and total nutcase! Get out now before you get in even deeper! Seriously, he sounds like a total loon and may need so see a psychiatrist to deal with both his anger and compulsive lying. Best of luck to you in this matter. I really hope you get out of this relationship as soon as you can as you are obviously scared of his temper, and that isnt a foundation for a healthy relationship. Neither are his lies. I would wait a bit longer before moving in with people next time.
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A
female
reader, Beachblonde11 +, writes (2 May 2006):
 Its plain and simple you need to leave if he hit the bed missing you... if you go on he will hit you! and the lies will get worse... if you leave just check up on him or get him help so he doesnt hurt himself
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