A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a son and daughter (9 and 11 years old) from a previous relationship. We’ve been together for 18 months and live about an hour apart. I noticed that the kids had not been around for a while.I asked him why, he made excuses and said they had been busy doing their own stuff a lot lately, so had not been to stay. I know of one time in the past 3 months that he took them shopping.This weekend he finally confessed when I asked about them again that his ex had a temporary court order against him which allowed the kids to see him but not stay with him due to an incident when she found him drunk at home when the kids were there.He admits to this, says he was just having a bad time, and regrets it.He told me about the incident when it happened, but did not tell me that it ended with this court order and actually lied for the past 2 months about seeing them at all. He even pretended that they were with him and playing outside when they were not even there.He says he lied to me because he was embarrassed and he couldn’t afford legal fees to fight the court order so he had to go along with it.I have also found out he is getting calls from a debt collection agency and was blacklisted before we met. He is having a lot of trouble, but he hates talking about so it makes getting the facts difficult. I don’t know if he is a good person who had a bad time and therefore I should not abandon him and be understanding and supportive as much as possible or if he is bad news and I should get out now. He wants to marry me and before I found out about all this stuff I was very happy with our relationship but now I am concerned about what I still don’t know – is there worse to come?
View related questions:
debt, drunk, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 If you intend marrying him, then you really do need background check on this guy, because (a.) he hasn't been completely honest with you and (b.) things can take an ugly turn later when skeletons start tumbling out of the cupboard and then you'll be left wondering what you've gotten yourself into.
Ask him to tell you everything that you need to know. You can take a decision based on that. This isn't just something about a dead and buried past relationship, this is about stuff that could have a bearing on *your* life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Theres only one way to find out if there's more..sit him down and ask him
I can see his point of view about the children though it wasn't good he lied,it did save him explaining. But nor was it good he was drunk when he had responsibility for the kids. They must have gone home and told their mum.
As for the blacklisting, alot of people are in debt nowadays - job loss, divorce etc etc all create expense. Its up to you if you stick around, it depends if you can cope with it all, but you need to know the whole truth so you can decide.
...............................
|
