A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I split up three weeks ago he has serious mental health issues and said he cant sustain a relationship as he coudnt think straight . He said he was going to get help and in the meantime has seen me three or four times and says he loves me however I saw him today and he hasnt got help so nothing has moved on and he wont say when he will see me again, he isnt happy but I dont know where I stand I love him and dont understand why he wont let me help. I apparently stress him and he has to avoid stress. My family arent happy wihh him they dont understand why he doesnt make a decission as its not fair leaving me dangling waiting for him I dont know what I should do can you help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): I guess he had to find a creative way to get out of a failing relationship. He couldn't think of a way to get away; knowing you were desperately clinging on. That was a terrible thing to do. It's not even worth suffering over.
Hopefully discovering the truth will help you to get over him more quickly; and make it easier to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell just to update everyone I carried on for about three weeks then took his stuff back only to find that he has now gone into another relationship, and lied about everything I think saying you have a brain tumor is pretty sick so think I have had a lucky escape all though I cant help but miss him hopefully I will find someone who loves me and doesn't lie x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2014):
 I think you need to tell him to stop coming in to your work, that you can't do this any longer. I know that is a hard thing to do because you care and feel responsible for him, BUT unless you somehow put your foot down and really END it, this van go on for years and you know what IT WILL only hold YOU back.
He knows what he needs to do, he just CHOOSES not to get help. Maybe because he figured telling you that he would get help would keep you around. It's kind of hard when you deal with a person with mental health issues, because they can have a good day and think they are "cured" or "fine" and then the next they are not, but they hold out for those good days instead of getting help.
HE HAS to realize and get help, no matter HOW MUCH you love him you CAN NOT fix this. Love isn't a cure.
You said YOUR family is his family (so to speak) - so maybe talk to them on how you "set yourself" free?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have read the comment from wise owle and he has made assumptions' firstly he doesn't have any family we have been his family. I don't ask him to see me he comes into my work to see me on a weekly basis which is making it difficult. He is the one that wants me but doesn't want me if you see what I mean, he isn't using drugs either and I have been nagging him to get help he says he will but doesn't. He is my first love so I suppose I don't want it to be over.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 January 2014):
 What is stopping you from making a decision?
Given the circumstances, and the fact that he has done nothing to improve those circumstances, I'd say the decision is all but made. You just need to accept it and move on with your own life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 January 2014):
 If he is refusing to get help, you have to move on. Even once he gets help, it's likely to take months or even years to "sort it out," and that's assuming he gets help. You need to move on and break it off. If he gets help and back on the right track, he can come find you again, but for now you need to live your life. You can't sit around waiting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): He didn't leave you dangling. You're clinging on.
He is mentally ill, and he isn't able to make rational decisions at this time.
He isn't seeking help; because most people who are mentally ill don't think they are. They may acknowledge they don't feel well; but they aren't quick to seek treatment.
In most cases it means restrictions from running around loose. Maybe being hospitalized. I hope he isn't using illicit drugs. It would only complicate matters even worse.
It could make him psychotic. He may do himself harm.
He may not like the loopy feeling of being heavily medicated; and if you've been around him long enough, this shouldn't be news to you.
My dear, he is ill.
He isn't himself, and he can't be held accountable for being unreasonable right now. You aren't able to help him, because the sickness is in his mind. Mental illness doesn't just heal like a wound. It isn't visible to the eye, you can't read his mind.
It is really hard to treat, depending on severity; and it's sometimes hard for him to take care of himself.
He needs to be prodded in the right direction, and "HIS" family is responsible for that, not yours.
Your pressuring him about your relationship is doing him more harm than good right now. You should be coaxing him to seek treatment for his mental-health, not ganging up on him trying to force him to satisfy your stress over a relationship that is obviously over. He isn't even acknowledging it. So you have to break it off yourself.
You have the mental capability to make that rational decision on your own. Don't bully him right now!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 January 2014):
I think for your own sake, you need to end it permanently with this guy. If he has serious mental health issues that he isn't dealing with properly, then he's no good to you, no matter what you think of him. He needs help, and unless he gets it, you can't possibly move forward with any relationship with him.
I think you'd be better finally ending it.
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