A
female
age
41-50,
*hylo
writes:For the last few years I have been seeing a married man. He is from another country and comes here for work every few months. I truly loved him in the beginning but now I am not so sure that I do anymore... - HE recently left his wife (for me) and has all of these great plans for our future. Now, I am not so sure that I want to be a part of his future. After years of watching him go back home to his family, resentment grew and feelings died. I NEVER pressured him to leave her, I just thought eventually things would cool off or I would get sick of it.I don't know what to do. There is no one else in my life, I'm just not sure that I want to spend the rest of it with him... any advice would help.
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female
reader, shylo +, writes (15 August 2008):
shylo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am truly amazed at the responses I've recieved... I didn't really know what to expect once I posted my question. I just wanted opinions from "real" people (not a therapist trying to trace it back to some traumatic childhood expereince).
For the most part all of you have been very open and understanding - I expected alot of accusations and critism - I am well aware that an affair is wrong and all the cliche's that go along with it - Thank you all for your comments and opinions... even the bad one's. They will really help with my decision..
Obviously my delima goes ALOT deeper than the short summary I wrote. And just to clear up some of the comments I have received - I know for a fact he has left her is in the process of coming here permanently; There was a point in our relationship when I loved him so much I wanted nothing more than for him to tell me he'd left her (but after 3 years of waiting, the feelings just die); And I have no fear of the "once a cheater-always a cheater" thing - I am just not sure HE is "the one".
A
female
reader, junebug  +, writes (15 August 2008):
u should let him go.if u dont have feelings like u use to then tell him and hopefully he can fix his marriage cuz im sure his wife loves him.and any relationship that starts with lies will end with lies.thats how i feel.im sorry.xoxojunebugxoxo
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (15 August 2008):
 Cut the ties. Maybe he can salvage his marriage. I think the relationship is based on lies and deception and the resentment does grow and a healthy relationship is never fostered. Because he was married, you didn't need to commit to the relationship. Now that he is free, you are evaluating the relationship and it's not what you want.
It is unfortunate that he left his wife but that is not your doing. You don't have to commit to forever now but if you honestly do not feel he is the man for you, tell him and let him be on his way.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 August 2008):
Be honest and don't get involved with married men. You probably liked the thrill of being the other woman that he longed to be with and now that you have him, you don't want him. Also, if you were to have a future with him, what makes you think he would be faithful to you? If he cheated on his wife with you, he'll cheat on you too. If you don't want to be with him--then don't. I guess you really shouldn't feel bad that he left his wife for you because that's what HE wanted--he took a chance and it didn't work out, so he's going to have to deal with the consequences. On another note, cheaters are often liars, so he may have just told you that he left his wife and didn't actually do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Well, that's something you should have thought of before all of this. You never thought this married man would do it and now that you it coming you don't know what to do.
You have ruined a family and easy way out is to tell this guy you don't want him after using it. He has to pay his price for leaving his price and you have to pay yours for stealing him. Too bad, for his family sweety, not you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Uh-oh...a bad case of forbidden fruit? You've enjoyed the chase and excitement of an affair, but you can't handle the real relationship and commitment. I feel sorry for this guy that he's made the sacrifice to commit to you and leave his wife and now you don't want him. I reckon the only thing you can do is be completely honest with him, as it will only lead to bad places otherwise. Good Luck! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): If he left her it was because he wasn't happy with her. Don't get stuck in the same situation. If you truly care about him then stay with him, but if you can't see yourself with him or are afraid the same thing will happen you are intitled to walk away. He will move on and heal. He left his wife because he wasn't happy with her. There are many women out there, he will find someone if you choose that being with him isn't the best for your overall wellbeing and happiness. Best of luck!
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