A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend cheated on me last year, and looking back over things i feel as though i have been the biggest fool.At the time of finding out i was devastated and just could not imagine living without him, so i ran after him and talked him into staying (i know ...) I wanted to talk about it but he just wanted to forget it so we never really got it all out in he open, he even said things like " if you dont think you can trust me then theres no point in carrying on", and i just shut up about it, anything so that he would not leave me.And thats how its been since, sort of pushed to the side.Recently though (better late than never) i have been looking back over it all and i see so clearly now that he hasnt even tried to show he is sorry, he never acted as though he had done anything wrong, never became more loving to show he was sorry, never spent more time with me to make things up.I stupidly thought i could brush it all away, like he did, and carry on as normal pretending it never happened.Now though its on my mind every day, its as though its just caught up with me.The problem is (without sounding too childish), i feel i want to leave him and hurt him back, and whats eating at me is this, i feel if i tell him im leaving him he will just accept it and that will be the end of it. I do not believe he will even fight for me. Is there a chance that he will be bothered? even if he doesnt fight? We have been together for two years, he has never really been that open with his feelings towards me, never been a touchy kind of guy.Am i silly for wanting to hurt him? whats the best way to deal with this and feel good again?Many thanks in advance to anybody who can give me some kind of advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): You are not silly for wanting to hurt him, but doing the same thing is not the way to go. Look up Love Addiction. So many of us suffer from it at some level (which is why we accept being on the end of emotional machocisum). I learned that I am on that end of it too. Honestly, if he is not willing to show remorse; he is probably a Narcissit type and I would move on and FIND A MUCH MORE WONDERFUL PERSON THAT WILL LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU SHOULD BE LOVED. I was cheated on and she would not own up to it (amazing) when I offered total forgiveness. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): i had the same problem with my cheating ex boyfriend. every single time i just wanted to hurt him.its a problem and because he cheated on me and id not forgiven him i wanted to hurt him so badly. i suggest u either find a way to forgive him or you unfortunately dump him because all u will do is keep on hurting him and yourself being unhappy and it will be a unhappy relationship. im sorry to tell you this but its the only way i can think of
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male
reader, MrBrightside90  +, writes (24 April 2009):
Well, If he wouldn't even fight for you, like you said then why bother staying with him in the first place?
Love makes you do crazy things, there is no need to feel like an idiot. But do fix things now (read: Break up, like an adult.)
But lets say, you want to make him feel miserable, really miserable, Then go do his best friend. That should make him feel horrible.
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