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female
,
anonymous
writes: What do I do now that my husband of 7 years is telling me he has feelings for another woman? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Look, ignore the anon reader! Your guy has been honest with you. He has told you how he feels and you should help him thru that....imagine if he had just had an affair!
Listen to beenthere, she makes some very valid points and I think you should consider them.
Tell us all more about your situation if you can and let us help you more.
xx
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (6 March 2006):
 First don't panic and Don't throw him out. Good grief no.
Every marriage has its ups and downs...you have heard that statement. Well, this is what is meant by that. 7 year itch is a fact...it sometimes takes 10 years sometimes 2 but it usually happens at some point.
Now here is the advice your Mum should be giveing you. First, you Stop being a bitch of any kind. (Don't nag, don't look hatefully at him across the dinner table, do not throw the china)(also if you have not established a "he's leaving me fund" do so...thats six months living expenses in Cash that He does not know about)
Understand that for some reason or another (not all YOUR doing by the way) the relationship has stalled for him and someone else has made his heart flutter a bit. Now from what you have stated...he "Has feelings" for someone else. He hopefully has not yet acted upon them. That is good. It means you have such a strong bond that even though it is difficult for him to confess something like that....at least he has come to you. How you respond is just as important to your future as it was when you first caught his eye.
I am not being in any way critical of you, but you must face that something has lost its spirit in your relationship. Do take a hard look at the effort you have put into yourself lately. (gained a few pounds, wear your hair raggy, to tired for make up, don't really sit and talk anymore?)Many people assume that once they take their vows they no longer have to stir up much effort. Kids, bills, housework, jobs all tend to add to the burden and things just begin to slip. Before you know it the Blahhs set in.
Can it be fixed?....Yes Yes and Yes.
Could it be the end?...also Yes.
Do not sit moaning that you are a helpless victim.
You had the power to win him in the first place and if you choose to do so, you have the power to keep him.
Do you really love him enough? That is up to you.
If you truly love someone, it is unconditional...that means you even love them enough to free them if it is what will make them happy. (but that does not mean you have to play fair) You don't have to sigh or cry when you can be playful and flirty...even if you have to fake it. Nor do you have to give up with out a battle of wits and charms.
What are the things that attracted him to you in the first place...were you a dynamo in bed or did you tell off color jokes or were you just so elegant that his breath was taken away....recapture whatever it was but add mystery. (there is a book called "The Rules" read it and live it) He must understand that you are a creature like no other and to loose you would be a terrible mistake.
You will never win a man because he feels sorry for you...so don't play that card. Don't mope or cling. Simply tell him that you love him very much and thank him for being honest. (then pull out the big guns...favorite meals you just accidently tossed together effortlessly, a new pair of tight jeans you just had to have, that beautiful silk nightgown sitting in your drawer gathering dust because you have always been "Saving" it, let him catch you reading a book on the art of sex) These are just a few suggestions...I am sure you can do much better if you really try.
One more thing....remember in your vows about the Cherish part. When was the last time you Really made him feel cherished....like he was your whole being. The next time he goes to work...pretend that you find out he dies suddenly. Really think it through as if he really were gone from you forever (cry and morn him if you can) and think of all the things you wish you had done for him...just once. Things you wish you would have bought him even if you thought they were stupid. Things you wish you had said to him. Make a list (of at least 30 things) and then when he returns a few hours later do ONE of those things. Every day pick something from your list and Cherish him...because you still are lucky enough to have him.
Before you know it a month will have gone by and he may have a whole new attitude about his darling wife.
Even if he does not have a new attitude...you still win because if he leaves you....you won't regret that you bullied him into someone elses arms and you won't look back and say if I had only done........
All the luck in the world to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): pack his bags and tell him to get the hell out...if he's willing to even think of another woman after that amount of time, then, he's a waste of your time!! How dare he? what a pig! get rid of him...he'll be sorry he threw you away when he realises the grass really isn't any greener on the other side. Don't allow yourself to be second choice to anyone. If he likes her that much that he can't keep it under wraps then let her have him. It'll suprise him that you don't want him in his life as much as he thinks...he might change his ways/mind but then the ball's in your court whether you wanna be someone he's just settling for...what an a- hole!! I'd get rid of him ...he's only supposed to have eyes for you...yeah they look at other women, but you dont spend 7 yrs with someone and think about leaving just because you get bored...How rude!! Ditch that bloke and find one who only wants you!! good luck with that!!
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