A
female
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*ackie69
writes:I posted a question on the 26th of may."He is even more distant than before, is it over?"Well... It is now and i cant get any answers out of my ex, as to why. He has just shut himself off from me.i ring he wont answer. text he dont answer, been round and he isnt there. I dont believe he realy wantas us to be over.because he dumped me by text and just said."rather we be friends"y? i said"Cus just dont want a girlfriend"Then i said i love u and u love me why throw this away?"Sorry, just how i feel" he saidSo i text again U dont love me then and wud be happy if u saw me with sum1 else?Never had an answer back!He is completely shut himself away and i dont understand y.He chased me in the beginning. told me he loved me first and wanted to marry me have kids etc and now has jusst run away!When people ask about it 2 him he just says: "Thats the way it is. theres nothing to be done"what does that mean?I have decided that i am not going to run round his shouting the odds or nothing cus i will just upset myself.So i have decided that i just dont contact him and leave him alone then one day he will miss me and think why has she not made more of a fuss?When i see him i will not bother with him and flirt with other guys and see what he does.do you think this is the right way to go about this?xxx
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female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (30 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Since the last time i commented i have had loads go on.
my ex has been lurking, riding past my house sitting and watching me etc.
Then i had a pregnancy scare had to ring him and ask him to go the clinic with me. He wasnt nice on the phone and thought i was making it up i think.
so the next day my mother gets on the phone to him and he offers to take me.
got in vehicle with him and we didnt talk or look at one another all the way to the clinic, then after a while he became the old guy i went out with. started to look at me and talk to me like he always did. then we went our seperate ways after the all clear and said we would be friends and said he would text me, which he didnt do.
then one night when i was out someone came to my bedroom window shouting i love you etc and then when i wasnt there to answer trashed my garden. WE DO believe it was my ex.
Now i think he feels stupid and aint seen him around so much.
had a few texts sent to me pretending he cant get in touch with my parents and to pass the message on. but i have been offish back because i dont see y i should be nice after the way he left me!?
I still love him to death but feel it is a weakness to show it anymore because i got knocked back the last time i said it.
my mum was on the phone to him topday and she said "****, here. do u wanna talk to her?" He apparently said yes, but all i did was go " No, y would i want to talk to him?!!!"
He heard and said goodye to my mum. my mum is trying to get us back together but i resist even more then, cus i dont know whether he is just going to treat me badly again and dump me and break my heart!
There is a party coming up friday and he will be there. I dont know what to do or how to act around him?
as i would love him back
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 He loves you but not the responsibilities or obligations as a b/f.It is like loving from afar.It is like still living in a fantasy and not in the real world.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (16 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if i'm just naive and just unwise to the world of men, but why does he still say he loves me but he cant be with me? thats just what has messed with my head loads and i cant stop thinking about!!!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 June 2008):
He wants to be free and not to be tied down like a couple.
He wants more independent from you.
To do things without having to think of you or consider your feelings.
It is a time where he wants to explore and see the world without feeling guilty about you.
You need to set him free until he wants to come back to you.
Just being friends without any strings attached.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (15 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince my last update I have seen him.We had to meet up to give eachother things.We could hardly look or speak to eachother at first and found it difficult. He couldnt realy look at me. then after about 15 minutes he started to peep at me and talk better.By the end of our meeting we were laughing, joking and talking like normal.so it came to the point i had to leave.....I grabbed his hand and got him to look me in the eye.I asked were we going to see eachother again.He asked if i meant as friends? I said whatever u want or more?Then he said "I just dont know""We drifted apart because we bothbecame moody"I said "What has made u end it with me?"Hes said "I dont know. I have just made the decision to be very selfish for the time being. Not have anyone to tell what im doing or where im going, just have time to do what i want and be alone"I said "Ok. I understand. U dont want me and dont love me anymore"He just said "I've never said that!" and looked at me so dear in my eyes.Then I asked for a hug and he said of course. and we had such a hug! 2 minutes or more and he smelt my hair! lol i gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him "I'll always love you"He said " I know you will"He said "Text me anytime to talk and be friends"and we said our goodbyes.Can anyone draw some light on what is happening here?Does this mean he wants me and just needs space?I dont know how to figure him out in my head.Please help!xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (9 June 2008):
Time and tide waits for no man.
The world will not stop just because you want to get off.
If a person who has legs and do not want to walk ,
it is because they have become mentally crippled.
Set your spirit free and do not tie your spirit down.
Be free like the birds and go where you want.
Soar like an eagle and find your true destiny.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am going out and having fun since he has dumped me.I am not just sitting around moping. I am trying to move on. but there is this piece of me that thinks hes ill and just needs time to get his feelings together 2.If he doesnt show any sign of wanting me i will indeed move on.who knows anyway, someone may come along and i will just not be worried anyway, thanx xx
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A
female
reader, DearKiki +, writes (8 June 2008):
 He has hurt you and is still continuing to hurt your, yet you still have feelings for this man.
You have to know your an amzing woman and it is obvious that this man is not the man for you.
When you see an old couple in the street (like 70years old) and they are still cuddling and kissing but you look across the road and you see a couple in their 30's and they are arguing and shouting and are clearing not right for each other. That is what is wrong with so many people now adays, they get married and get into relationships for the feeling of security and love. However, you have to learn to feel secure and love for yourself before you can get married.
Just dont settle, you have to know your worth and know that you deserve that forever kind of love. You need more self respect because once you have that, you will never think about wanting him because you will respect yourself too much let a man treat you like that.
You need to realise that you are an amzing woman with so much to offer and give and one day the right man will find you and he will never be stupid enough to let you go!
And you will never meet the right man if you are going out with the wrong man.
So just be single for a while and in that time you can think about what you really want out of a partner and what you want out of life and how you deserve it all and more. And then you will be ready for Mr Right :)
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso shall i just leave him by himself?
I told him that i still love him but that he hurt me when he split with me like this and that ill always love him.
Can't b just friends.
So.....?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 June 2008):
You just told us the reasons for his behaviour towards you.
It is up to you if you still love him and want to carry on this relationship.
You will need lots of patience, love and understandings to stand by him.
He has lost his confidence and self esteem.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry but there is also something else which i cant believe i havent mentioned before!!!
We hadnt had sex for the last month in the relationship. this was due to him injuring his back in an car acciedent in which he tore back muscles and he has to rest for 6 months and not do strenuous work.
We had a very healthy sex life before the accident and then we only had sex twice since the accident. each time we tried it hurt him badly and i felt so awful i did nt try.
If i touched him he would tell me i was turning him on and not to touch him cus he couldnt do anything about it.
He started saying he was useless and buggered and no use to me and i would go off wit sum1 else.
Maybe this is what the whole thing is about and why he would find it hard to look at me the last 3 wks together and was quiet. cus he feels he can never satisfy me again?
i am not bothered about that whatsoever.
what do you all think? xx
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso must add this.
I liked this guy since i was like 12.he once took my sister out back then and i liked him. she didnt. (she 12 years older than me.
Then i would see him now and again and we were always shy but there was this great attraction between us.
I was too young for him as he was 6 years older. i'm 22 now and he is 28.
He told me he loved me for years. would hide in bushes when my school bus came past just so he could have a glimpse of me everyday because he was shy.
and to be honest i was exactly the same. used to go places where i knew he would be just to see him. lol
So... liked him when 12. he said he started liking me when i was 15 and felt a bit wrong for it.so never did anything.
but then when i turned 20 i was out on a night out saw him and he grabbed my arm. spoke to me. it was great. he starred at me all night long. when i was leaving pinched his bum lol.
he told me he knew i felt the same after that.
i then shortly after got a bf. and went out with him for 18 months. quite happy.
then he came on the seen again and we just clicked. i tried not to want him. i told him to leave me aone when he text but i couldnt help myself. n we got together.
It was such a rush of love and feelings and maybe now he is scared?
someone please shine a light on all i am telling you.
because there is so much history between us it is weird how he changed!!!
thank you! xx
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you all have valid points.
I haven't got to blame myself because i havent done anything wrong.
My family are very close and we all talk openly and work together and share everything.
My mother was speaking to a close friend of his family last night and told him what he had done to me and how hurt i was and that he had just shut himself off from me. He didnt even know we werent together anymore. so has he even told his family?
He told her that the family themselves are all a total mess.
His mother died 5 years ago which i knew and they have never got over it. especially my ex.
He cried to me the first few times we went out how he missed his mum and wished she could have met me and that she would be proud of him and that he wanted her to see what he was achieving. he also told me how he suffered depression when she died and his way of coping was for 12 months he went on an alcohol binge. getting drunk everynight, having one night stands and just feeling awful in general.
He told me i was the one thing that had made him happy. i was the only girl hed slept with that he had actually loved and he was never going to let me go.
I was the best girlfriend ever he said.
He saw me through a bad breakup when we began seeing eachother and looked after me so dearly.
His family took me in and made me part of them. thats why i dont understand it!
Did he feel I was taking the place of his mother?
I think he needs some professional grievance councilling. but he told me he didnt go when they offered it him years ago as he didnt want to tell a stranger about it.
I love this guy and cant bare to see him possibly go into a nervous breakdown? Help me plz. xx
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (7 June 2008):
 I think you need to move on, its unlikely he will come back if he has dumped you in this way. Trust me you are better off without him if he cant even be honest with you and talk to you rather than just shutting himself away like this.
You will look back on this in years to come and realise what a lucky escape you had. x
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (7 June 2008):
Just move on with your life. This guy will continue to do this. He will only want you when he cant have you and then when he gets you back he will not want you again. Find a man that wants you ALL the time. Dont fall for his game! It will only hurt more and more everytime he drops you again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Please do read the book: Men are from Mars and women from Venus. Men think and operate so different to us, not always easy to unerstand.
However it seems as if this guy has gone into his cave, allow him his hibernation, and continue your life.
Let him come chasing after you should he change his mind, and give him a good run!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 June 2008):
He is like a shadow.
When you chase a shadow , you know the shadow will run away from you.
You need to ignore him and leave him to sulk like a little boy.
When he grows up , then he may come back for you.
Otherwise, say goodbye to him.
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