A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need your opinion please. I have dated my partner for 9 months.6 months ago i went into my computer history to click on a previous link and discovered that he had looked up his ex girlfriend from 10 years ago. I spoke to him and he said he did not know why he had done it but he looked up other people that day apart from her.6 months on and the night before our holiday I looked at the history on his laptop and discovered that yet again he had looked up her profile on facebook. I said nothing as i did not want to spoil our holiday.He does not like facebook and from what i can gather does not like me going on that site. I eventually asked him why he had looked her up. Again he did not know why.He admitted that he has looked her up alot but never contacted her.He has told me that she was the last person he loved and they dated 10 years ago.He did not have closure from this relationship.She broke it off and to this day he does not know why.He is extremly sorry for hurting me and says he will not look her up again.I told him that if he does i would never know but whilst he keeps looking her up he is not moving on.He also does not love me. He has very deep feeling for me and said that he could fall in love with me.They say actions speak loader than words. His actions show me that he loves me and our relationship is really really good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I've just told my ex partner to stay away from me and stop contacting me. Although we've always been friends, our friendship and relationship should end if it means it hurts his new girlfriend. 22years is a long time, but for people who love and care about each other, the friendship that we give up, is nothing compared to the hurt and anguish it causes for the new people we care about. Sorry babes, if you can stand this, then I am glad. Caring and loving means wishing the other person well. His actions show love, and he is just trapped in the memory of the past. Unfair for you, but maybe one day he'll be able to move on. You do what you need to, and remember, always look after you and keep yourself, heart, body and mind safe. Blessings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn answer to the 1st posted opinion.
I fully understand what you are saying I to have only been in love once. I have loved but not been in love since. when your young you jump in with both feet. As you get older and experiance hurt you paddle in the shallow end and walk slowly into the deep end. Thankyou for your answer.More please.
In answer to the 2nd opinion.
I asked him if he wanted time. After all maybe 10 years is not time enough. My big in love relationship broke up 10 years ago and i still find the love thing hard.
He said he does not want her and if both of us were stood infront of him he would choose me.I also put no ristrictions on him. If he chooses to look at her profile then i would never know.However whilst he looks her up he cant move on with me. I suppose time will tell and i can give him some more time.By the way we have known and been casual friends for 20+years.
I found both opinions of help. Please write more.What did on the girlfriend end mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): this is just my experiance. everyone is different so you dont have to listen to what i say if you disagree.
i myself have had 3 main girlfriends.
the first girlfriend i was deep in love. since then i have not managed to open up my heart to anyone in the same way.
but i feel that there are two kinds of love.
puppy love which is almost like love at first site and real love.
real love comes from experiencing things with each other, through the ups and the downs.
although i was not engrossed in love with my other two relationships right now girlfriend 2 and 3 mean a lot more to me than girlfriend 1 ever will. because of what ive been through with them.
that might sound contradictory but it makes sense to me.
as 'justgirl' writes he wants to be in love, that is why he is looking at his ex-girlfriends profile. i dont think it means that he wants to be with her. hes just being curious.
the thing thats ruined my last two relationships was very simular to the sort of thing you are talking about. my girlfriend was paranoid that i did not love her because she knew how i felt about my ex and how i felt about her. her paranoia just fed into the vibe of the relationship.
have confidence in him.
his past is gone so don't dwell on it.
make him want you.
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