A
female
age
36-40,
*ikki-jane
writes:Hi, i have never done anything like this before but i need to talk to someone. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs with a man i love dearly, we have a baby of 12weeks together who is amazing. My partner was married before he met me and has a son who we are very close too and because of his past marriage does not want to marry again (i am hoping he changes his mind) He has always been very sexual, me too infact, he is 31 and i am 22. He really does love i am not sure how to put it, just sex in general, now i always thought i could trust him, i am so in love with him, he is a fantastic dad and a brilliant man. When i was pregnant i found he had joined a website to meet woman no strings in the local area, when i approached him he denied it and said he would never do anything etc. Now he has not even been out at all with his mates since our baby came along and i forgot about it to be honest but as he is at work today i checked the histery on the internet and found he has been looking for 'local brothals' he has actually googled it. I dont know what to think, our sexual relationship is great or so i thought. I love him so dearly but dont want to be in a relationship without trust and dont know what to do. I am scared. what would you do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): This may turn out fine so don't lose heart. Also, give yourself a limited time for the checking maybe then kick it out and if he is telling the truth enjoy your life.
A
female
reader, nikki-jane +, writes (11 January 2008):
nikki-jane is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know you have replied anonymously but thank-you so much for your advice, means alot.
I will look into that download to check, i dont like the idea of having to check up on him and know i should trust him or we dont have a relationship but i will certainly look into it.
But last night i got answers, i couldn't keep it quiet to him that i found out about the brothals, i said it really quickly that i knew and he just laughed and said that was 3 weeks ago, someone from work said he knew his mates wife worked there or something and they were looking to see if it was true. Now i know i cant just believe him like that as i am still suspicious but he did answer about it really quickly so didnt have time to think up an answer plus he just laughed and thought it was funny i thought he would go to a prositute.
I am not sure what to think but i am glad i have confronted him and can only see where our relationship goes from here but i need to keep my yes wide open.
Thank you so much xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): I am so sorry about this for you. I think in your position I would have to download the Webwatcher thingy I told you about before. Have a look at the website. It is not expensive (£60 or so). It allows you to view email and Internet activity on your home computer from anywhere. Once you have downloaded the software on your home pc, which is invisible, you could go to anywhere and log in to see what he has been doing because it creates a website for you specifically with recorded. You could even go to another PC and look up what he has done on the home one. That way you will know for sure whether he has arranged to meet anybody during work hours or whenever. If he arranges to meet someone go there and confront him. It is a classic trick, trying to turn checking back on the checker. But you do have good reason and if you find something it does not matter what he says. The main objective for you is concern about your relationship. If he is a sex addict or something you may be able to go for counselling but I would imagine it would be very hard to get over this. Only a tiny proportion of the population do the sort of thing that you suspect he is doing so you may just have very bad luck. Or he may have been living a life of pretending and just getting a kick out of knowing he could but has not. These things should never be kept secret. I know I would have to find out for sure.What an idiot if he is that he would risk your beautiful relationship and the security of your child. I have a tear in my eye for you. Please let us know what happens.
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female
reader, nikki-jane +, writes (10 January 2008):
nikki-jane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank-you so much, your replies have been great and have got me thinking too, i am so overwhelmed by your quick responses, what a great website, i hope i will be able to help others out like myself too. firstly, i think i typed so quickly it all spilt out and didnt put exactly what i found etc, it was in his history google for local brothals in our town pacifically, i dont have a problem with him looking at porn, i know he does this and he knows i know as we do together at times just like you troubletoomuch. With the website whilst i was pregnant and i found he had joined looking for no strings attached sex, he was actually logged in under a name and it said what job he did and that he could travel to meet someone on it, we talked about this and i got reassured but now i find this about brothals i am not so sure as to weather i trust him. I have not yet approached him about it but he knows something is up as i have been quiet. I know when/if i approach him he will twist things and say it was my fault for sneaking and looking and that it was nothing. I really do love him and know we need to talk but i know he will twist things and say i am being too insecure. But if i cant trust him do we have a stable relationship? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I have done the same thing out of curiosity. I usually show my wife the results, as we both find it interesting. I have also been on the Nevada (USA) brothel sites to see what the women look like and what the prices are. I have also showed these to my wife. I have never considered going to one of these places and have never even seen one, except on the web. My wife and I both have some interest in sexual things in general, except she does not tend to surf the web for info on stuff like that. We like to see what others do and have read about swinging, but have no interest in it either. We tire each other out too much to see others.
So he may be curious like me or he might actually be looking. You have to talk about it. He may feel guilty about it and have a hard time admitting it. I used to do it without telling my wife at first. I then decided that I should tell her so that she wouldn't think that I was actually looking and I discovered that she was interested in seeing what I had found. I never thought that she would be angry and I was correct.
He may also use it to get more aroused for you sometimes. If my wife wants a quickie, she tells me to go watch some porn in the morning before I come back to bed. I usually get up an hour or 2 before her and then go back to bed when she is awake. Normally she wants a longie. ;)
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Talk to him, and tell him you know what he has done. Dont have an argument over it though, because it may be nothing to worry about.
Perhaps he was just bored and was looking out of curiosity, just to see if there were any.
Your only 22 and you sound like you have a good life with him, I doubt that he would risk loosing all that for a prostitute.
Just talk calmly, you are probably tearing yourself up for no reason.
XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): On the Google search bar it comes up with suggestions after you type in a couple of letters. I made the same mistake as you. It does not mean he searched for them if that is where you looked. If it is in the history files he must have looked. Just because he looked does not mean he has been, it could have been idle curiosity. If you found a freebie newspaper open after he had a bath and the page about swingers was open, would you presume he would call them up?How do you know he joined the website looking for single unattached women in the local area? Did you look for that? Computers can cause all sorts of problems, viruses join people up to things they have not asked for, there is spam…once I bought some flowers from Interflora online and suddenly found £10 per month coming our of my bank. I had clicked on something that they had made it easy to click on by mistake and there I was…a signed up member of a discount club.If he is always with you when he says he will be and your life is ticking along as normal I would think things are fine. There are signs for cheating which you can look up on line but don’t drive yourself crazy. You probably feel vulnerable because he won’t marry you, you have just had a baby and feel insecure.If you get really freaked you can buy an amazing web activity checker caller Webwatcher which can is downloaded and invisible on your computer. A note of caution though, be very careful of checking because if you start you are bound to find something and if you are insecure you can still make a mountain out of nothing. A strange called number on his mobile….. which means nothing at all. If you found he had looked at porn how would you feel etc? In a way you have to be strong to deal with results and you sound a bit in need of something else entirely. If I were you I would relax and wait until you see something to really worry about.
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