A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I separated from my husband four years ago and recently went out on my first real date, I met the guy online and he turned out to be a wonderful person, from the first time I saw him I felt a connection.He invited me to a nice dinner, drinks, very attentive.We went out on a second date the next day, and I just had a wondeful time, we kissed and fooled around a little bit, I told him I had not had sex in three years and also of a medical condition, just in case he didn't want to see me anymore, he said that is what is in you heart that matters, and he accepts me just the way I am, I told him he made me feel beautiful and he said I am beautiful.We live about 65 miles from each other and he drove to see me last week.He is divorced, his ex hurt him and he also has a lot of stress from work, we had a misunderstanding but after clearing that out he said we are moving forward but to take it slow.He has told me he won't let anyone get too close, that we can continue seing each other but as friends, sort of like friends with benefits I guess, but he could not say the 4 letter word to me or anyone else, the one that starts with an "L".He has told me to move on that he is not the guy for me but I don't want to, I want to be with him.I told him that we are having fun and we should enjoy each other's company and that only time will tell what might happen.Am I crazy for wanting to be with him, ever since I met him I am smiling, I am losing weight, we make each other laugh, we text, we talk on the phone, and he is planning to come see me on the weekend, we agreed to get tested for STD's just to be safe...So I'm planning on maybe having sex with him this weekend, I think I fell in love with him and I know it's too soon, he says that it's because he is my first date and that I should see what else is out there, but I am not interested.I am confused, I want him to open up to me and let me love him, I want to love him so he can trust again, I want him to love me too.Am I crazy? should I pursue him or move on? am I moving too fast? I am a strong woman but around him I feel vulnerable and just want him to kiss me and hug me and everything else...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Yes, you are moving too fast. He has plainly told you he cannot open his heart the way you seem to want right now. You are not crazy, however. Its natural to like and even love. But this guy was burned bad and it sounds like he has a lot of defenses and walls. If you try to blitzkrieg it, you might just push him away. You have to be patient with something like that, meaning the "L" word. Intimacy can be established though, sure, so you shouldn't worry about that too much. Its just the L word is a huge step for some guys. Far more so than sex, or whatever. Especially when they care about saying it from a place of truth and integrity.
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