A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i recently opened up a facebook account to keep in touch with my old school mates however when i went onto my bf of 2 years page i saw that he had been flirting with some girls online saying things such as oh you such a hottie and calling other girls huni. i dont know whether i am just overacting too much but it hurt me to think that he been doing this but he obviously doesnt see it as any problem as he never brought it up but i dont know whether i should as i feel kind of betrayed and it makes me wonder if he actually happy with me.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 If I am a man ,I would also give the same answer like that. This is to justify my flirting's with the other girls and continue to indulge in my favourite pastime without considering your feelings.(Those excuses are all lies and B/S to pacify and cover your eyes only.)
That is the perspective from the male side. What about your female perspective? Don't you have any? Do you think his perspective is right?
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 May 2010):
You may think you are silly now but if you leave his flirting s on FB unchecked, some day you will learn to regret this decision or yours. The small boy if undisciplined will grow up into a big demon.
You may not be able to see further down the road but I assure you many people have traveled down that road and it is a dead end road .
When you have come to the dead end , you will be starring at divorce or separations.FB has caused many breakups and is a relationship killer.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 May 2010):
No doubt he is telling the truth that it was just a bit of fun but he does not really feel or realize the full implications of what is going through your mind.
Little issues may become big issues when you don't pay attention to them. Now, he only flirts but do you know that it can later lead to affairs?
It is better to nip the problem in the bud before it becomes to big to handle. It is easy to extinguish a small fire than a raging big and wild fire.
The only way you can make him feel what you are feeling is to mirror back what he is doing on Fb and then he will sing another song .
It is just like a knife, when it cuts him ,then he will feel the pain.
It is not about trust issues, it is about hurting you emotionally and causing you mental anguish and that is wrong.
People can call others endearing words but not all people can accept it. We should be sensitive to our partners and refrain from doing it when our other partner does not like it.
Just because they like to call others hun, love or whatever,should the other partner accept their ways ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to keep you updated i brought it up and wish i hadnt now. he says i took it out of context and it was meant just as a bit of fun and he started saying if i didnt trust him by now then it was bad. i told him it wasnt the fact that i didnt trust him but rather i was worried he was getting bored of me. he said he wasnt and wondered why i would ever think that so as far as i know things are back to normal between us. i just felt so guilty afterwards asking and it seemed soo silly looking back on it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice :) i'm still not sure whether i will ask him about it or not if it gets any worse or keeps continuing i defo will bring it up. it just gets me wondering now that what he is doing through msn as when ever i'm up at his he never switches it on makes me think he has something to hide. i also know for a fact if i was talking to guys like the way he is he would be going mental and asking me loads of questions.
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A
female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99 +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I don't think there's anything wrong in calling people "love, sweetie" etc although it would depend on who he is saying it to for me personally.
However, if he is saying things like "your such a hottie" i think this is wrong, ask him about it and just say it doesnt make you feel very nice x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): I call people sweetheart love etc all the time, and I don't mean anything by it, I am sure your boyfriend doesn't either.Think of it this way, if he had anything to hide, you wouldn't be his friend on facebook and he wouldn't be posting it on his wall for everyone to see.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 May 2010):
If you feel that way , I think you need to talk to him where are your limits and boundaries and he will then know what is or is not appropriate.
Flirting could be just a past time for him and as long as it is within reasonable limits, it should be O.K.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 May 2010):
I think he's happy with you. The problem is that facebook is the relationship killer. Things can be taken out of context, or misunderstood. I'm sure he does love you, but the problem is he is becoming a little too free with his words. So maybe you should just talk to him and ask for a little reassurance. I don't really think that it's a threat, but it's clear that you need some reassurance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): I'm really starting to hate facebook !. i have a similar problem. i had seen comments from my boyfriend ( we werent together at the tiem though. We have been on and off for a while , but we are together now ) , and there was something suspicious about the comments. i know i probably shouldnt have done, but recently, i logged into his facebook account ( i guessed the password ) and i found out that he sent messages to loads of girls ages ago. Even though it was quite a while ago, it still shocked and upset me. he told me that one of the girls only went to his place to use his internet, as she didnt have it, but he never told me that he fancied her. i found out that he did, as he said it in one of his messages. he also messaged another girl saying " do you want some tlc from me ? " and messaged another girl who he used to like ages ago, apparantly, to ask if she was ok , as her relationship status had changed. he said recently that i shouldnt have a go at him for the past and he promised to be hoenst with me, and swore that i was the only one he loved and wanted to be with. but i have still had trouble sleeping lately through stressing over it. i just dont know if i am something special, or just another person he likes to flirt with. he has bought me presents and done other things that makes me think he really does love me, but i still cant help wondering if he will speak to other women like that again, especially if we fall out or break up again.also, once, he put as his status " i'm single, any takers ? ", and he admitted to be that he put that to get back at me because he was hurt. it also worries me that he wont delete those girls from his facebook, even though he says he doesnt speak to them any more, and even know he knows it upsets me tha they are on there.
i wish i had some advice for you hun, but i'm not even sure what to do myself. i just wanted to let you know that you arent the only one in this kind of situation, and i wanted to offer my support. i think i am going to write my own thread about my problem soon too.
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