A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. Well, recently I've been kinda dating this guy. The reason I said kind of is because my best friend told him that I liked him, and he likes me too. So then he went up to me and asked if I wanted to go out with him, I really barely know him (because we didn't talk much before) but if I said no, it'd be like my friend was lying(which she was not), so I said yes. What I really wanted to say though, was that it's too fast, he doesn't know a lot about me. Also, I'm a really great student and I don't want my grades to be falling because of some crush. I don't want to lose any friends either. But I'm also a really shy person so I can't really talk much when I'm with him but I can't help it. He keeps asking me when I'm free and all those stuff but I can't go out on weekends because I need to study for my exams in April which are really important to me. He has it too! Why is he not studying? I'm extremely shy (you have no idea), so this is going to take a super long time to even work but I feel so mean and so unfair to him, but I don't want to risk anything.Also,what if I get so caught up that I can't concentrate on my studies? That'll be the last thing I ever want.It's so annoying how people say that I'm already getting such good grades I don't even have to worry any more because that's not the case. I need this.I just feel like such a mean person because he has been so kind, waiting for me when I was still too shy to talk to him and he even apologized to this girl he really hated because of me (long story). And now I have to tell him more about me wanting to study and go slowly. I feel so horrible.I've heard all these stories about how having a boyfriend makes your study go really bad and man, I don't want to risk anything. I know it depends on your personality and your ability to cope with these things, but how am I supposed to know if I can do this? What if he hates me? After all this trouble I don't want to lose him completely.This is so crazy. What do I do?!
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best friend, crush, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BlondeBabe x +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Honestly, you just need to calm down, breathe and take a step back from the situation. You are getting yourself worked up over nothing.
Dating itself is about getting to know the person you like so you aren't going to fast; you've just dipped your toe in the water. Now, what you've heard about people failing because of boyfriends isn't strictly true. For some people, they care more about the social aspects of school rather than the educational side but you aren't like this. I think you have begun to over think the whole situation and it has gotten to the point where you think he will hate you. Even without knowing you he has began to like you, there is something so special about you that he has spotted you out from the crowd.
I'm sure he is studying but some people have different reactions and mind sets. You have the mindset to focus solely on exams where as he has the ability to balance. When he says 'free time', I think he means the time away from studying.
You seem like you have a really mature head on your shoulders, which means that you won't let yourself get caught up in the moment. Do what I did and have a study plan; study most of the week, breaking down your subjects into small components that you can focus on easily, but give yourself some time off. Studying constantly isn't the best of ideas so I recommend taking Friday night and Saturday off and then starting again on Sunday.
This free time is the time that you could use to get to know him and start dating. Explain to him that your studies are important and I guarantee that he will understand. You can always talk to him and say that you want to take things slowly until after your exams but explain to him that you do like him.
If your shy then start off maybe with going to the cinema; this allows you to talk but necessarily constantly as the film is playing and it will give you time to get comfortable. Or go for something simple try a walk on Saturday afternoon, just easy and carefree.
Believe in yourself and confidence will grow with time. You’re a beautiful, intelligent girl that has the world at her finger tips; you just need to learn to balance all the important aspects of your life.
BB x
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Boyfriend's dont stop you studying as long as you are sensible enough to plan your time and dont waste all your time with boys. It is very important for you to have some time away from your studies, if you are revising all day every day from now until April you will drive yourself mad, it will be information overload and it will do you more harm than good.
Having a break from school work is a good thing, you are allowed to go out every now and then you know! If you study during the day on a weekend, there is no problem in going to the cinema in the evening for example.
Talk to this guy, after all you do like him and he likes you - so there is something good there already. Explain that the exams in April are very important to you so you dont have much time at the moment, but you do want to go out with him so maybe once a week you could go out together.
You sound like a mature and sensible girl so you dont sound like the type to get completely caught up with boys and forget about school completely. If you take it slow, and only see him once a week outside of school I can promise you now it will be fine. And then once exams are done and the summer holidays arrive you can spend lots more time with him to see if you will be properly compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Relax a little, give it a chance and see how it goes. If you are really struggling to concentrate on your studies well then you can end it, and at least you will know you gave it a try.
Having some time off from studying is a good thing, dont forget that! Everyone needs a break!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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