A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have the most wonderful boyfriend. He treats me very well, he's respectful, loving, attentive, everything you could possibly want in a man, and I am madly in love with him.But he has a problem with anger when he gets drunk. Normally, he;s fine. We argue when he's sober and resolve it just as quick, no aggression. But when he drinks spirits/gets very drunk, he can get a bit aggressive.There has only been 2 occasions this has happened, but the last time it ended up in him pushing me out of the way, and I lost my balance and fell over. When I went to leave his house, he kicked my car, leaving a big dent.He's completely remorseful and embarassed and completely sorry and has had my car fixed, he has been to his doctor to request counselling and he is going to an anger management course.Partly to blame are his family - he had a very dysfunctional upbringing and alot of what he saw was anger and aggression as a child.I do love him and I want to help him, I appreciate that he is going to the effort of seeking help and trying to resolve the underlying problem - am I right in staying with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): If he is getting help then he deserves a chance, if he dusnt & he continues to act up then leave. Simple.
A
male
reader, northwest5  +, writes (3 May 2009):
I am answering this from a recovering alcoholic's persepective. Your boyfriend should stop drinking completely, if he values what you have together. And you should be ready to support him if he does quit. Whether he needs anger management remains to be diagnosed--both of you could benefit from couples counseling, for starters. Obviously, your boyfriend changes a lot when drinking; I have a friend who becomes verbally abusive and basically turns into a babbling idiot when drunk. It is disturbing how alcohol affects some people differently than others. I, for example, become more talkative and emotional--but never violent. I think excessive alcohol exaggerates a person's basic--and possibly hidden--personality traits. It also causes deep insecurities and unresolved problems from the past to surface. Drinking, especially habitually, always makes things worse; that is why he should stop. He should be willing to work toward a new beginning, hopefully with a supportive and loving person, such as yourself.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi...sorry for your problem...but dont understand how you can say "I have the most wonderful boyfriend"...thats BS.....and deep down you know it I really do not understand why females stay with men such as these..please tell me why???....the next time he "kicks" something it may not just be your car !!!!! I attend many problems such as these in my work (firefighter) where the woman has been beaten severely...but will she press charges NO....then we have problem with her when the police try to arrest the guy...I see it all the time...what sort of malfunction compels you to stay with a person, male or female, who acts in this way??I agree with "justgirl"...get out while you still can...theres many men out there not into drink and violence...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 If he is doing something about his alcoholic induced anger,
you are making the right decision to stay.
If he drinks, best to stay out of his way..
When he is sober, he will be O.K.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 well i think that the other post is wrong - i have known of alot of men (and women) that have had different alocohol - especially spirits - disagree with them. a friend of mine had a similar problem, and her boyf just stopped drinking spirits at all. now he just drinks beer and there are no problems. i think its great that he is trying so hard to get over this and get help, and i do think that you should stay with im because its not his fault. but i do think that if he hasnt stopped drinking yet, he should, altogether for a while, but spirits should be off limit forever. just be there for him but also let him know that you are not going to be his punching bag just because he has problems. hope this helps hun email me if you want xxx
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