A
female
age
36-40,
*hloe88
writes:Help! My boyfriend has a very high sex drive and I don't. We have been together for nearly 5 years. Whenever he asks for sex and I say no he always speaks to me like a piece of crap or hardly speaks to me. I try the best I can but he doest understand. I need ur advice is u can give it to me x
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female
reader, chloe88 +, writes (18 August 2009):
chloe88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u so much for all your advice. I really appriciate it x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): I've been married for 13 years. I have the same issue. I've found it's easier to get the sex over with because if you turn him down, you waste a night (or if it's really bad, the entire next day) fighting. I just open my legs, get it over with and move on. Sad, but true.
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A
female
reader, jstdunno  +, writes (18 August 2009):
He sounds like a horrible person. Don't put up with this he clearly has no respect for you. Love is based on actions , not words and this case both his actions and words are disgusting. If he's your age 18-21 he clearly hasn't matured and think the purpose of a girlfriend is as a sextoy. Move on , enjoy being young , date , have fun and someday you'll meet a guy who will respect you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): boys will be boys.u cant change that.maybe u should make a little more effort and try to do what he wants.if you really dont want to then maybe you should find a guy who respects you, even if thats not what you want right now
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Sex may not be important for some people, but it is important to others. Since you two have incompatible sex drives, this will pose for a problem continuously as time goes on, which will further stress your relationship.
However, though I can recognize that your sexual connection is lacking, the 'bigger' problem is the way he accepts rejection by putting you down. He may be 'immature' in dealing with this form of rejection and doesn't know how to handle it. You will have to openly communicate your thoughts and feelings to him and have him open up to you.
The thing about sex is that it is considered a 'dance' of two (or sometimes, more) people. If he's trying his way in pulling you around, while you're stumbling and not really getting into it, then it simply means you two are incompatible at the dance. Is he making an effort in trying to arouse you? Is he making an effort in getting to find out what turns you on, how to ease you into the foreplay, how to openly communicate his desires to you and to get you to open up to him about your own?
In this scenario, passed the part on putting you down, he should learn to become 'the teacher', 'the mentor', 'the sexual adviser'. Otherwise, you two 'should' consider that this relationship will take more to work than simply the lack of sex and break it off now, before even more stress comes into play.
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