A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is a guy i'm interested in. I've known him as an aquaintance since i was about 16, i'm now 28. Over the last 6 months we've started to get to know each other better. When i was younger i didn't really have an attraction for him but i always felt that there was something there, ya know like something would eventually happen. The thing is i'm not great at reading situations with men so i need your advice. He remembers little things about me, notices things about me that i don't even notice, offers to do things for me, finds out things about me from other people, wants to look at my phone to see what it's like even though he had one exactly like it and his brother has one, asks about my taste in music. The last time i saw him there was a group of us in a room and basically ignored everyone else and carried on a conversation with me. The only problem that would prevent me from having a relationship is the fact he has a girlfriend. The relationship hasn't been great between them for about a year (he didn't tell me, a relative of mine did) and i would never get involved with someone who had a girlfriend and i would never try to break someone up. I know that if things are that bad that things will come to an end on their own. It's just frustrating especially since i know that the problem they have can't be fixed. So what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the author. In their relationship, he isn't really the problem, she is. She's the clingy, possessive, jealous type. If he goes anywhere with his friends or even to visit a family member she is constantly ringing and texting him and demanding he comes home immediately. She accuses him of looking at other girls and thinks thats the reason he goes places without her when the reason is he's just spending time with friends or family like any normal human being. And I know from knowing plenty of other girls that girls like that can't change. Your basically asking them to change their personalities and nobody can change their personality that drastically.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): The guy sounds like a 'player' and it appears he's playing you. Like janniepeg said, it sounds like you're already hooked. That's what players do; they hook you.
Is it any wonder this guy is in a relationship that is not great? He doesn't sound very loyal and faithful to his girlfriend if he's leading you on. Just the fact that you're permitting him to lead you on is disrespectful to his girlfriend. I know you say you wouldn't break up a relationship, but it sound like a line has already been crossed, at least a little bit. This guy needs to first break up with his girlfriend, go through whatever grieving process for for however long, and only then should you entertain thoughts of dating him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 They have a problem they can't fix but they wouldn't break up because he's a wuss? He needs you to give him an extra reason that breaking up is a good thing to do. Never yield to this. Until he breaks up with his girlfriend, you are his friend only. Treat his gestures as friendly and do not reward him by thinking about him or giving it energy. The fact that this is frustrating for you shows that you are already hooked. Think how good it is to have a friend that cares for you, and that's all.
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