A
female
age
,
*ordan123
writes:Im in a relationship with a man that I love. The massive issue is that he shares a company with his ex partner. We have been together for four years and the business trips away with her don't get any easier. He has swore to me there is nothing going on and just recently they have sold their home they owned together. My partner and myself have owned a joint home for two years and lived together for three out of four. She is the financial director of the company and he is business development. His accounting skills are zero so you could say he needs her. This is a constant in our life, the trips, the lunches, the drinks are just draining me and our relationship. They have been apart for six years but I suspect they did the back and forth for a while, I've been told by various people she still loves him. My life is so incestuous with other people telling me things, I wish we could move countries, does everybody think Im stupid for putting up with this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): OP since you have your sh1t together (I think u get my meaning) then why worry about your partners ex. You know she is always going to exist and what her true feelings are. So instead of focusing on her, instead of wanting to show her you are his now lifelong partner, just let it be.
Sometimes the less said the better.
For you, I am glad you have worked through all your issues of the first marriage and you did not carry the burdens into this relationship.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, jordan123 +, writes (21 June 2011):
jordan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question'Lovegirl' you seem to be hard on me for some reason. I am not the 'other woman' I never was. There was an instance at the beginning of my partner and our relationship which made me suspicious, its not my husband. Years of counselling helped me deal with that and not take it on to my other relationship. Counselling really helps heal old wounds and I would recommend it to anyone who is going through hell.
I finished my marriage, because I have integrity, but I have worked through the pain of 20 years of being with one person. My husband has recently had twins with his new wife, Im really happy for them, I am still in contact because I have a 21 year old daughter with this man but not once would I think about upsetting his new wife, Im pleased for them, I have moved on.
However, I have tried being the grownup in my/our situation but unfortunately I think in their past there have been things that have been accepted as normal. These things are not normal for me or most people I know. Im not an 'alley cat', I am a very diplomatic person, I have never been 'confrontational', I have tried to bring peace to this situation and I will continue to do so. This is my life too.
The problem for me is I have too much 'integrity' and all I want is balance for everyone! Including me. Sorry you seem to have got the wrong end of the stick, but its really not that interesting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): You seem to be incredibly hard on me, and it feels personal. Its not four months I've been living with my partner, its four years. I would challenge anyone who loves their partner to deal with the situation Im in and for it not to affect them. Im not after sympathy and Im not being a martyr, its just good to talk to someone who knows the situation, and who maybe has some advice. Thanks to the girls who have replied, the lady who posts 'girl' seems to have some issues with me, I am not the other woman, I dont actually know where you are coming from, maybe you would like to elaborate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I think bec your hb cheated on you, you therefore don't trust this man.
BTW: I actually think this other woman is better off without any contact with you. She just doesn't know it.
You seem a bit of an "alley cat" not shy with confrontation and certainly want to make your presence known.
Becareful you're becoming a viper and you need to ask yourself whether it is worth your integrity.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, jordan123 +, writes (18 June 2011):
jordan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGirl. Well for a start it is mainly his company. They were not married and I did not split up their relationship. They have been split up for 6 years, I have been together with him for four. I know my place, lol..... and it is not the underdog.
This is my relationship and not hers anymore. Tough but true. I have been a wife and been at the other end of the cheating experience, I am not without compassion! but my compassion for her has run out and Im sick of it always at my expense! Remember I did not cause this split.
Im sorry you seem to be very bitter and obviously been hurt but I have not caused any of this and did not ask for it.
As for the xmas party, I am his partner and its for partners. They are not partners anymore. I think it maybe tough for her but if she got a date or a boyfriend then I think everyone could put it in the past where it deserves to be. Of course Im insecure I dont think there would be anybody in my situation that wouldnt be, its an unusual situation and pretty tough!
Jordan
Lizzy thanks for your input, you're right I think I need to not put up with the 'hands tied' role. I wish she would just accept me and stop taking her unhappiness at the split out on me. As I said above I did'nt cause the split. I was very hurt by my husband of 20 years when I found out he was having many affairs, its devastating. Fortunately life moves on and the hurt goes. She is having trouble moving on, I think if she found a partner then it would be easier for her to accept me.
Thanks for your reply!
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A
female
reader, Lizzy111 +, writes (17 June 2011):
The reason I asked how is she towards you is because I am in same situation but from my side, I work together with my ex and do have someone new in my life, I made it clear to both of them that I want everyone to get along and no unnecessary drama, if they wouldn't get along then there would be a cut-off of one of them. Luckily they both get along great.
Think how long you will make it in this situation and make your calls, if it bothers you a lot then you will resent your partner after more time with no changes passes, he has to think what is his priority and act on it, we all deserve to be important to someone and if he can't see it it's his loss and not yours.
I truly hope it works out for you but don't let him play the "my hands are tied" role for too long.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): How old is he?
How many years were they married?
See it from her perspective: her "hb" left her, got on with his life yet he is totally defendant on her still. Then she needs to face you as well.
It is THEIR company: u may have her hb but the company is as much hers as it is his. And why must u complicate things at THEIR xmas party.
I know u do not like my response but sometimes second gf/wives need to know their place. I know u are insecure and you are fearful that they may/do hook up from time to time, but perhaps u need to trust him??
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, jordan123 +, writes (16 June 2011):
jordan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with sexlessintheuk but the problem is we have a house together we are about to buy a house in spain, and he gets on with my children who are 21 and 25 so well. Im 47, been married for 20 years of my life until now, the thought of starting again is huge.
Hi Lizzie, With regards to her then I can only say she hates me. Im not really bothered about knowing her but it would be helpful to be in the same room as her at company functions with my partner, but Im not welcome at the company xmas party or any other special, he wants no hastle he says but doesnt mind hurting me. We have came a long way but there are some things that seem they will never go.
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A
female
reader, Lizzy111 +, writes (16 June 2011):
How is she in regards to you??? If she has never said or done anything bad to you or about you and is cool about your relationship with him there shouldn't be many issues, I would actually try to get to know her and may be develop friendship. However if she is trying to ruin the relationship then it's completely opposite story....
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