A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend 4 months we only used to see each other once a week but now we see each other most nights and he stays over.thing is before he met me he was seeing this women,it was a drunken thing really he would just go round there when he came out of the pub,he thought she was on the pill as she said she was,but wasnt and became pregnant,he wasnt pleased.and it all ended.she has now had the baby 2 weeks ago,he decided he didnt want anything to do with the baby but would support her financially.now she keeps sending him photos,and rang him last night saying doesnt he want to see his baby.now he is going to go round there tonight.he has said there is nothing between them and he has no feelings for her.i think she is using the baby just to see him.the thing is also he has been hurt in the past and now puts a brick wall up with me,i love him and would never hurt him,he knows this but just seems to block me out.he is a loving person and is always cuddling me,but doesnt want to kiss much,as he is frighted of being sucked in.I just dont know what to do.do i hang on and see whats happens or what?we are both in our 40s he has never been married,but i have been in 2 failed relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): one thing i dont understand?if this man is so scared of committing himself why did have have relations with a woman who just SAID she was on the pill?why didnt he use protection?hes old enough to know better.personally i thing its not a good sign for the future that he doesnt want to even see his own child.although this other woman acted irresponsibly she must be feeling very vunerable right now.after alls said and done theres a little baby in the middle who is totally innocent.he seems to have rushed into the relationship with you.
i think you both need some breathing space.try not to put pressure on him.if he wants to be with his child there isnt alot you can do.ask yourself if you will be able to cope with him spending time at hers to see the baby?financially hes now forever committed to this child too.you need to face the facts about this baby.more importantly so does he.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): I would be questioning whether I wanted to be with someone who does not want a relationship with a child he has created. He used this woman for sex and then blamed her for getting pregnant. She let him. I have no idea why we women do such things.
What about the poor liitle child, how awful to grow up thinking your own father does not care about you.
Your main concern seems to be insecurity about him and her. I think it would be much better if he did make a relationship with the baby. You should not be worried about your relationship with him to the extent that you would try to stop that.
I don't think a secure, confident, together person would pick a man in his current situation, so am a bit worried about you. I personally would not go anywhere near until the situation was resolved, and only if he put his child first.
He has not been kind and I am concerned that you do not consider yourself worth more, or are at least extremely cautious. Don't be blinded by a small veneer of what seems like affection, look underneath at the real man, which is shown by his actions, not gestures or words.
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