A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i know i was stupid so please dont have a go :( but i really dont know where else to go! i posted a question here before and got about 9 very good answers which i am greatful for! so i hope you dont mind me asking about this!about a year back this guy added me on msn, i was a random add.. and we started speaking, he seemed so nice :) went on webcam, we had video chats, we've spoke most days ever since, and we got to know each other really well and kinda began to like each other, im 17 and hes 21, the age gap kinda was the only thing stoppin me, but age is a number! and we really got on! so we decided to sort of seal the deal.. we'd meet up, it couldnt have been more genuine :) we arranged that yesterday, (we live in the same city) we would meet in town, go for a wander, have a chat.. etc :) and we did, i got off the bus in town and i spotted him, i was so happy! i felt all different kinds of emotions, i really really liked this guy! was nervous of course.. but he spotted me and we walked to each other and hugged :) it was so lovely, we began walking round town, he held my hand :D and we got a cup of coffee from the train station lol, and we sat on a bench in this parky thingy and we had a long chat, he had his arms around me, it felt so amazin :) he told me i had small feet lol, then he leened in and kissed me, i kissed back, this happened about 8/9 times.by this time it was bout half 8, it was freezing and dark, he held me in his arms and everything felt so much better! cheesy i know, ive never felt that 'connection' if you like, with any of my boyfriends! then he kissed me again, but this time he didnt just touch me up a little like he had before, he got my hand and he put it down his trousers, which i did like! weird i know, but i did, then he put his hand down mine, we began "playing with each other" and i really liked it. but then he started to take my cardigan off, then my top, i said 'stop it *hisname*' and he smiled, i backed out of the kiss and stuff. and i said to him 'dont' but he grabbed me and began to take my trousers off... he pressed me against the bench and started to penitrate me! i asked him to get off. told him i didnt wanna do it, i was almost in tears, he said 'its okay' and i tried to push him off! but he just wouldnt stop. it lasted like 10 minutes! but it was the longest 10 minutes of my life. he got off me and smiled and i phoned a taxi to go home. he sent me a text while i was in the taxi and it read 'good night babe? i realy enjoyed it. hope we can meet again cos i really like you xxxxxx' and i didnt reply! i couldnt sleep last night and i woke up to 4 texts from him... ive thought about it all day! and its drove me nuts, but was i in the wrong? did i lead him on?! should i forgive him and meet him again.. should i reply to his texts? im just so confused!!! :'(sorry its so long! i just hope someone can help :/ xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Awe that is horrible, I am so sorry...if you said no that was rape and he should have stopped...this is not your fault although being in the situation you were in was not the best thing. You should report him as said before and get tested for a possible pregnancy and std's. Again so so sorry hun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I'm sorry this happened to you! Ask oldersister is definitely right about this, you were raped, and he NEEDS to be reported. I have seen a lot of people on here (and know several who have been raped) who feel like it's their fault and that it's okay because they probably 'led them on' or something, but that's NOT true. Yes, getting yourself into situations like that where something COULD happen is very bad, but that never is going to excuse the behavior of rape. That's a violation that even if you had said yes to sex and then changed your mind right before, he still needs to stop. Please report him so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.Please do not let yourself think that this was okay or that he should be allowed to get away with this. If this happened just last night, I strongly suggest you get the morning after pill so that you can avoid a potential pregnancy, that would be very hard to deal with at your age. Also, please get tested for everything, like the other poster said.By all means do NOT forgive him and get back with him! He did something to you that there is no excuse for, and do you really think that if you went back to him that he wouldn't do that exact thing AGAIN? I'm sure that he would, he'd think you were fine with it, which I know you're not. Yes, it is very confusing, I'm sorry, but we all are here to help, and want to advise you as best we can. Please do not get back with him, and the only response to your texts (if any) should be just stating very clearly that you never want to see or hear from him again. Delete him from your MSN. He's ruined any chance he had with you, and you know you deserve better.You said you have no where else to go, but you should go to your parents. I know it sounds like something no one wants to go to their parents about, but they can help you, and help get this guy caught for what he did to you, and help you through everything you're going through. They might be upset at first, but in the end, you're still their child, and they love you. Please look up other advice I've given about rape and relationships, my advice or anyone's, it may be helpful for you too.I also suggest you talk to a counselor about what you've gone through if it is bothering you (as I'm sure it must be). They are trained to help people through this in a way that most of us here are not, and sometimes it's easier to talk to them than a parent, or even a friend. We on this site are here to listen too, so if you need anything you can always message us, but we're not there with you and can only do so much. I hope you get through this okay, please consider all the advice here carefully. I hope this was helpful in some way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): If you were to forgive him and meet up with him again, i'm afraid to say it sounds like he will just force himself on you again. If he keeps texting you, tell him straight to stop messaging you, and tell him why! You asked him to stop, and he didn't! He broke your trust in him. Cut your ties with him, and look for someone who can treat you better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Absolutely awful. You poor girl. You should have been more careful. Do not let this happen to you again. You should follow the recommendations given by the previous posters.
Sorry to hear about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): He raped you, you need to report him immadiately so he doesn't move on to nxt victims
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I am so sorry to read of your distress. It's awful knowing that we could've prevented something not nice from happening and did not.
I don't think you should reply to anything. He's smiled and raped you and then sent kisses afterwards. And I don't think you led him on. He did that all by himself.
I don't know where you stand on this legally but this just underscores what we know. Boys trawl the internet as predators to search for candidates for their lust. He assumed consent.
You were perhaps a little week in making yourself clear, so take that as lesson against pervs in your life. There are always more where that one came from.
It sounds like he came to meet you with an agenda. You went to further the connection which you felt up until he forced you. He always knew what he wanted out of that date.
I would delete him from that list. I have met two of the online people I made friends with - they were both older men. And despite the fact that they said they were not chatting for sex, there were plenty of signals throughout the evening that sex was on the agenda. Without any strings attached. I met them in a public place - a restaurant and did not allow them to walk me home or anything or plan anything that would get them started. And I am glad for that.
I have many people talk about this connection over internet and it's often one-sided. If you must meet "random-adds' on the internet, please be very sure that you are not in a position where you have to be a passive witness to your abuse.
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