A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been happily married for five years and have a four year son together. Things seemed fine but then this woman shows up at our door asking for him. She made it clear to me that she would only talk to him and that since she's drop dead gorgoeous (and she was) that fact alone deemed me inferior to her. When my husband came, her demenaor changed - she was warm, friendly and extremely flirtacious towards him. My husband told her off for disrespecting me and that I was more than welcomed to listen to what she had to say since I was his wife. She told him that she was his new partner for the time being and that she meant to talk to him earlier but he had already left work.I told him that I didn't like her and I didn't trust her. My husband told me I had nothing to worry about. Soon my husband is friendly with her. She makes moves on him that only I seem to recognize and is more than friendly with him and he keeps saying that she's a friendly and touchy-feely person. I know otherwiseThen we had a fight about her and me wanting to go back to school and finish my doctorates and he stormed out and left, no coming back until late. But after the fight, he seemed to cool down and he told me that he had some things about the fight come clear to him while he was gone. Things seemed fine after the fight but I had an accident and lost my second child. We were devestated but to add to the pain, the woman came up to me with pictures of him and her together in bed and gloated about how he said that she was better than me and that he prefered her. I was so crushed and any hopes that the pictures were doctored went away when I showed him the pictures and onfessed that he went there after our fight. He said that he discovered that I was right about her and it was only that one time. It didn't matter if it was one time or one million, he cheated on me! I left him, taking my son with me and went to live with my friends. I felt so ugly and inferior because she was knockout stunning and incredibly sexy and it didn't that she oozed sex appeal, had the temptress look and was independent and educated; something I envied about her above all else.After some time away from him aside him picking up our son, I decided to talk to him to settle this so I could see whether I would stay with him or get a divorce. He said that he did some consueling and had my brother's word backing so it'll be proven gospel. He told me that he slept with her because I didn't seem to understand and she did. I was so mad cause here I thought that he cheated on me because I was unattractive or she was better than me but he thought she understood him better than I did. Needless to say it didn't make things better between us, I felt somewhat at peace of his confession but hurt that he actually thought that. The one thing I did my whole life with him was understand or try to.His friend confide in me the things he told him in confident and I decided to let us talk once more. After that talk, he agreed to go slow and rebuild the trust. I didn't trust him completely yet but things seem to be piecing themselves together. Some time after he moves back in, she shows up wanting to talk to him. He kicked her out but not before she made a comment about the house and wanting to get some of the stuff she left over there. While he was trying to get me back, he was sleeping with her for four months. He said it was during our seperation and that he was grieving over our unborn baby and that if he told me, I'd never would have taken him back. I moved back out with our son and stayed at my sister's. She and my friends have been intercepting his calls and visits for me.It hurts to know that when he's hurting or in pain, he goes to her and into her bed. It's her that he goes to for comfort. I am his wife and that's what I am suppose to do.He's been calling and telling me that he's sorry and to listen to him. But as far as I know, he probably let her moved back in now that I am gone. I don't know how I can take this anymore. He cheated on me with that skank, kowing how I felt about her and that she was out to ruin our marriage and lied to me about her!What should I do?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 The truth doesn't seem to come easy to your husband. And he always has an excuse doesn't he?
If you want to save this marriage (I wouldn't, but that is me) then he will have to:
A, admit HE was wrong and that nobody is to blame but him.
B, he should have stopped IMMIDIATLY with the affair.
He didn't do either. Doesn't that show how much he really cares? "Oh honey, I want to save our marriage, I will do anything because it was all because ofother people and now excuse me, I got to bonk my mistress, who is by the way to blame, but not as much as you."
He hasn't done a single thing to make the marriage work again. Either you can accept that, or you can't.
A
female
reader, Risingfromashes  +, writes (24 January 2010):
Definiteiy divorce him! He is selfish and that skank will eventually leave him for some younger man no doubt. But the most important thing here is that even of your son doesn't know now, he will someday find out and stayig with your husband would be an example that it's alright to cheat on a woman. Your son will grow up to love you instead for the strong woman you are and will have respect twords other women (if you leave your husband and make it final)! Otherwise no matter what his excuses are for cheating, in a marriage none-the-less, it will only open way for too much opportunity that your son will never grow to be a real man and won't have a fear of losing his significant other, instead he will see it as a free ride to do what he wants without consequence. If you stay with your husband he may say he's hurt and admit humiliation twords himself but actions speak way louder than words honey! Besides, you don't deserve this! If it were possible to see our humanity, our souls, what it is that truly makes us who we are- that slut would look in the mirror and die of a stroke from the hideous monster she is, unfortunately, that doesn't happen. (lol) You are more beautiful than she can ever pray to be, she is so far lost but your husband is lost also, he joined her into the darkness and left you, himself, and even his son. He was risking all of it when he allowed her in and that's a simple fact, he didn't care "at the time" right? What if a woman cheated on your son in a parallel situation? What would you think? Or your best friend or sister/mom, etc. I dunno if you are religious or spiritual but in the bible the only reason for divorce was originally infidelity. Now unfortunately people like my soon to be ex husband leave for much less. BUT that's the point, he cheated THEN went back to her because you "didn't understand [him]"?! That's the oldest line for cheaters. My first relationship lasted 3 years he was long distance in the army so I let it go knowing I wasn't there, he was honest but eventually left me for her! The main thing is you keep your dignity for yourself and your son which isn't pride by the way, you have nothing to be ashamed of except your husband and if you were to stay with him. "Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me" he's already played it up to you twice! This poor him BS is because he is scared! He has it good: having hope that you won't leave, will probably use your son as leverage (cause he's a dirt bag), and he has this mentally damaged b**** to stroke his ego and call him daddy. I'm being harsh because I am upset that you would put yourself through more of his bs. If he has that little of self control then he shouldn't be married, a marriage only works if two responsible adults work together as partners, but he's an immature little boy whining and working you over with his work partner. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could give you a huge hug and convince you of the truth- that any man worth sharing a life with you and your son wouldn't ever betray you and his vows in such a way. He's a liar! You don't even really know this idiot anymore! Your husband is gone, he's not even in the same meat suit. You can't know when this will stop hurting or when you can stop asking "why?!" If there even is an awnser you won't be strong enough to see it as long as he is draining your resources (not just money if any, but your emotions, your time, self respect, etc...)! Please continue to consider this for your son and yourself. You are amazing for putting your energy into this and being committed this far, but you're toeing the line twords stupidity! I am with my husband too but i know that a little faith in yourself and god more so, you will make it beyond this! "all adverse and depressing influences can be overcome not by fighting, by rising above them."-Charles Caleb Colton. And "if you feel like you're at the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on!" your husbands issues will only cause you to keep slipping. He will drag you into the same confusing place he's in and your son needs to see that you are protecting yourself and him and that his father did something that your son should fear ever doing himself. Your husband SHOULD be afraid of losing you but should have been in the first place. He needs the chance to reap what he's sewn. Sorry for all the quotes and a-typical lines but they prove to be true! God bless and please take care of you and your boy; the only humans you are responsible for in this world (until he becomes a man of his own one day). You are in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Sounds like your husband doesn't understand that you don't save your marriage by continuing to sleep with the woman who contributed to the breakup, and you definitely don't move her into the home you shared with your wife and child. You don't grieve the loss of your child with another woman, you grieve with your wife, especially since she is the one who had the miscarriage. The fact that he chose to emotionally connect with this woman rather than you is scary and dangerous and suggests there is a larger problem in your relationship that is not being openly discussed. Or maybe he is just emotionally immature.
There is no need to feel like you need to make a decision about anything right now. Personally, I would not even consider discussing the possibility of a reconciliation until he proves that he can handle his emotional issues without screwing another woman. His apologies aren't enough and his excuses are sh*t: he needs to show you that you will not have to worry about him running off to see this woman every time you have an argument or he feels misunderstood. Arguments are part of any relationship, and there are times when you will feel misunderstood by your partner: infidelity is not the solution, open communication is.
If you want to go back to school, figure out a way to do it since you no longer have to argue with your husband about it. Use this time to focus on your son, yourself and your education. Become the independent and educated woman you want to be, and start to feel good about yourself. Once you start to focus on your personal goals, you may find that you don't want to be tied to someone who is capable of treating you with so much disrespect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Divorce and move on- live drama free.... this is too much... get all you can in child support.
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A
female
reader, Princess D.  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 No, hunny, you are beautiful and please do not feel inferior to this home wrecker of a woman. If you look at it you are superior to her, if she was that great she would have been the one married and men would have been thrawling at her feet and she wouldn't have no need to go after other ladys men. Hunny divorce him and take your son and go. If he loved you, he wouldn't have slept with this lady, he is lien to you and still having sex with her. What kind of person who truly loves you would go making love to some other person when there is a marriage that needs fixing.Please leave him, please, he doesn't love you and don't fall for it.Keep me posted hunny!!!!.There is a guy out there waiting for you.Get a new hobby, love your son, that's the only thing that matters.
God loves you and take care.
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