A
female
age
41-50,
*ickieausgr
writes:This is really bothering me... I'm 28, Been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years, he is great but sometimes its like i dont know him at all!! Before me he had a very ugly break up with a girl that had cheated on him a couple of times. At that time he was is the army. So yesterday we were having a conversation about sex and i found this out, he was asked to join a threesom(blowjob), (3 guys 1 girl) (nothing homosexual) when he was in the army, this was like 3 yrs ago and he did it. It kills me and its grose!!! 1 girl 3 guys thats all i can think about, we talk about having kids and now all i got is this picture in my head. Am i wrong to even think about it? I just feel like i dont know him at all!!! He says that he had lost himself then ,he was so angry with the situation and did whatever! What happens if we have a real big fight and he goes and does something like that again?? pls help its driving me insane... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): A lot of men write on this board about how much they are bothered by their girlfriend's or wife's past promiscuity and how much it bothers them. I was in that same situation. After my wife left her first cheating husband, she slept with a lot of men, more than she wishes she had. She was hurting and confused. I had the same feelings that you have now and they even returned a couple of years ago, but she has never given me any reason to worry about her faithfulness.
We have been together for 30 years now and she has never even come close to cheating on me. She has never had any desire to want to be with another man since dating me. Lots of people make mistakes that they regret or at least have no desire to repeat. I made mistakes in my first marriage that I haven't repeated in the 30 years that my wife and I have been together. It doesn't seem like your boyfriend has any desire to repeat that episode again either.
Just remember that a lot of previously promiscuous men and women completely change when they meet the right person and have no desire to repeat their past behavior. Even when my wife and I were having some marital problems years ago, she still had no desire to be with someone else and neither did I.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 It happened before you dated. I don't think this will reoccurr. He's marrying you, so this situation is different than the army thing. People do things that they're not proud of when younger. I have 4 children, I'm a single parent, doing some crazy things I may have done when I was younger is not an option now, and I wouldn't want it to be. This happened before you two got together. If you're that worried, talk to him about it, but just remember something that happens in the past, doesn't mean it will happen when you're married.
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