A
female
age
51-59,
*usieQ1970
writes:My boyfriend of 9 years has recently told me that sometimes when I ask him questions he gives me an answer that he thinks I want to hear. This has made me really start to have doubts about the validity of our relationship.How can I be sure he's being completely truthful with me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Unless he is lying about other things that's obvious (
his whereabouts....) , a little white lie is harmless
in my openion. The fact that he's been with you for 9
yrs already proves to you he loves you .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Hi there! That is a good question. You must be doing something right to have lasted for 9 years.
I think we all say things we want people to hear at some time or another. It doesnt necessarily mean we are being dishonest. The fact he has told you he does that tends to show that he is being honest to admit that (if that makes any sense??!?)
Here are some examples -
You ask, "Were you looking at that girl??" - NO is the 'correct' answer regardless of the truth - it is also what you want to hear.
You ask, "Do you like my hair" - YES ITS FANTASTIC is again the correct answer. The wrong answer is NO, I LIKED HOW IT WAS BEFORE or similar.
The list of possibilities are endless and it is often too late for the truth after each of these questions are asked.
IN YOUR SITUATION it would depend on what kinds of things he tells you that he thinks you want to hear. If he tells you he loves you when he doesnt then that would be a problem and similarly if he told you he wasnt seeing anyone else when he was (I had this one recently used on me!) then this too, as you can imagine will be a problem.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Turn this around and be completely honest with him. Tell him that you're no longer sure that he's telling you HIS truth, and it makes you question the validity of your relationship. Tell him you're more interested in learning the real him, not the one he's manufactured for you. Perhaps the person he is is better than the one he thinks you want?
Tell him that it hurt your feelings that he doesn't think you can handle the truth. After 9 years you certainly deserve the respect from him that telling the truth shows.
Let him know that you'll be more hurt by a lie than you ever will be by the truth. And then tell him that if you catch him in a lie again you will know he doesn't love you the way he says he does.
Ball will then be in his court.
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