A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:You work with this guy. You flirt for 3 months and eventually you both confess that you like each other. You're both single and not dating, though you've just divorced. You ask him out to coffee via text message, he doesn't reply. Three days later you see him and tell him you're sorry that you made him uncomfortable and that you won't do that again and that you want to back off so you don't jeopardize your work relationship. He says "why do you think you made me uncomfortable" and tells you he was really sick and could not go out. You hold your own saying you need to work together. He seems sad. You have a cooling off for 30 days where your just friendly and then you announce you are going to work in a different office, same company. Guy starts chasing you again saying he'll miss you, blah blah. You promise each other you'll stay in touch. You send a text, he responds, you respond to his text, no response. You send one more text, no response. You have to go back to old office 2 weeks later but you avoid seeing him. He finds out that you were there and you did not go and see him. A month later you go back to old office and have to have a one on one meeting with him. You are avoiding personal talk and keeping it to business. He is asking you "how's the new job, are you ready for Christmas, and other questions." He says how nice it is to see you again several times. He says he is going to come to your office one day. You say "oh that's nice." He continues to bring up coming to your office until he finally says the dates he is coming and asks if he can look you up and visit you. You say sure, love to see you. He is somewhat inept with relationships and intimidated by you. I would like some guy opinions of just what is going on here. IE: is this guy interested in me or what? Yeah Uncle Phil, it's who you think it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. Here is some more information. The guy is worth it to me. He and I have a lot in common and there is no denying the attraction. He had told me that he was getting teased by his co-workers. At first we laughed it off and said, oh well, we both like each other, let them talk. I was formerly a manager at the workplace so I pulled back because I didn't think it was a good thing. He was hurt and I think confused by this. I wasn't meaning to play games.
After I left, the last text message I sent him that he did not reply to said "I miss you, I miss talking to you." When I saw him this week this came up, he felt bad but didn't say he was sorry. Slasher is right, he's just not aggressive. He may have been hurt in the past but I really think he is very inept at relationships or maybe just doesn't want one. But he has hurt me by being so hot and cold so I was very standoffish this week. I could tell he was upset by this because it was the first time I wasn't MS. Confident Sunshine with him.
When he said "it was really great seeing you again" the last time I said "well Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that stuff." This did annoy him and that is when he keep after me about coming up to my office. At first I thought he meant he would post for a job up there and be there some day. He kept on until it finally sunk in that he was doing some training at my office every Thursday. He finally said "the first day of class is January 10th" and I said, "that's my birthday!" He then said "well then I will make it a special point to come and see you." I can't go visit him at his house, I'm just not that confident and I believe me he knows how I feel or at least how I used to feel.
A
male
reader, Slasher +, writes (16 December 2007):
 People are different. Something may have happened to him in the past that caused him to behave that way. You seem confident and from my standpoint, he doesn't strike me as the aggressive type. The ball is on your court. You are adults, so there is no need to play games. You should discuss this outside of work. Don't bother asking him for a one - on - one chat through text message or phone call, rather, just pay him a visit and get it over with. Even if don't see eye - to - eye, he can't deny the fact that he likes you because the signs are obvious. So what have you got to lose?
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 He doesn't sound worth it really. Who needs a hot/cold kind of guy? More hassle and heartache than it's worth.
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