A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When we first started going out, my boyfriend told me that he had an ex-girlfriend and that they broke up because she was horrible to him. I believed him and chalked up his refusal of talk about his past relationship to it being too painful. We have been together for 3 years.But last night, he came clean and told me that he didn't have an ex-girlfriend, he had an ex-BOYfriend. They broke up because he was cruel to him. He said the most they did was a quick peck on the lips and that he stopped because he felt too disgusted to go on. He was 16 at that time, they lasted for only 2 months, and most of it was just talking through chat. They only went out on a date once. He said he did it because he was lonely and in all-boys school and that everyone experiments at that age. They never got sexual. He assured me he isn't bi or gay and that he does not want to experiment again. He said he's into girls and not boys. I believe everything he said, But I'm still finding it very hard to move past this. I don't know what to do. I want to stay with him and be with him in the future but I'm just so upset and confused right now. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): I am gay. If I may, I will chime-in and give you my perspective on this.
He has come clean with you. I agree, this is way after the fact, and three years into a committed-relationship. I am curious as to what prompted this true-confession? Just all of a sudden? I do know that boys who are gay sometimes pressure their straight-male friends into experimenting. Some will and some won't comply. If it doesn't feel right; then his sexual-orientation is confirmed. He is straight.
How's your sex-life? If you've been going strong three-years; I'd say this guy is pretty into you. He told you he isn't bi-sexual. He gets points for finally being honest about the past. There's no easy way to explain, so a woman will understand. She'd have to be pretty open-minded. I don't excuse deception under any circumstances. Don't get me wrong about that!
He was a curious boy of 16; and at that age sexual-orientation is not completely established. Puberty is confusing and some kids don't know what they like; girls or boys, or anything!
The shock of hearing this is going to put a strain on your trust. You will have to base your judgment on how he has treated you throughout your relationship. You also have to make it clear to him that you can't maintain a relationship with a bi-sexual boyfriend. It is best he be honest; because if he isn't, you will just end it without any further question. You don't have to live guessing one way or another.
You don't deserve deception. There are two people in this relationship; and your feelings must be based on the truth. No one can make you trust him, but him. After telling you this, he has a tough job on his hands.
I recommend that you end it, if you can't trust him. No need to torture either of you; because he can't change the past. What you have with him now, should be the determining-factor whether your relationship continues. If marriage is on your mind, I recommend that you be cautious. He also loses a few points for delaying the truth so long.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 This is a tough situation. I don't think any of us like hearing about the exes of a significant other and this situation is no different. I was concerned that he lied to you initially about this relationship but then, looking at this from the viewpoint of a young, American male, I can better understand.
What are your concerns here? Is it that you think he might be gay/bi/bi-curious and therefore, eventually leave you because of it?
Three years is a long time with someone. And contrary to popular belief, men, especially young men do experiment and some of them, like your boyfriend, find that their curiosity was just that, curiosity and move on. But because they fear getting judged, ostracized and/or labeled, they keep it quiet.
If you trust in what he told you, take that to heart and use it to move on from this. It's perfectly fine to feel upset. But when you do feel that way, remind yourself that this man chose to be with you, that he loves you and trusted in you enough to tell you something that couldn't have been easy to say.
You trust him and you believe what he told you. Take strength in that. These feelings won't go away in a night, and that's fine. But please do not allow them to eat at you and ruin your relationship.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 what is the question here, is it should you trust him that he is not gay or bi, or that it was as he said a little kiss and nothing more, I don't know if he is gay or bi or if this was a young mixed up guy that when exploring his sexuality kissed another guy if everything in your relationship is going ok keep it going
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