A
female
age
36-40,
*allamanda
writes:Hi. I have been with my bf for two years (well, it would have been two years next week). It all started off wonderful, and to the end to me, it was still wonderful. I loved him, and he loved me. We were living together for six months. However, earlier this month, out of the blue, he told me "I don't feel the same way about you anymore". I really didn't see this coming and he had been feeling it for a few months! We got back together to try again to get the spark back, but a few days later he said it wasn't working.I keep thinking that he will come back. Is this silly? If he won't, how do I move on? I don't have any friends nearby to help me and none have been through this before.
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female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (28 January 2007):
 I think it is best to try to move on. Though you loved him very much, and obviosuly still do, he has told you he no longer feels that desire, and you both actually tried again, nd once again he told you the same thing. You were very lucky for both of you to beable to try again, to really see if it could be saved, and from his view at least, it couldn't. He still must care about you and not want to hurt you, or he wouldn't have waited so long to get the nerve to tell you it was over. And though he cares about you, it is the careing of friends.... not of a serious relationship. This is very painfull and you will probably want him back many times, but if that is done it will make things much harder and emotional, though it probably seems like that would be impossable right now. I dated my first boyfriend 4 years..... and we loved eachother up till the very end... but it couldn't work. We are now still good friends, though it took awhile for me to deal with it, and even now 3 years later i still have dreams of being with him sometimes at night, as well as miss that powerfull loveing bond we shared even though i am in a relationship now thats already been a year and we will most likely marry in a few years. If this is your first real b/f and love it will be very difficult, but it is not impossable. The best thing would be to refrain from talking to him, calling, e-mailing, and seeing, untill you can accept that it is over and you both may beable to hug again as friends, but never kiss or anything more.... which is hard at times if you both decide to stay as friends and hanging out and are haveing fun and memories rush in. Treasure these memories though, and know that you can, and will, have memories just as wonderfull and better in future relationship(s). It is hard to deal with this on your own since all your friends are further away, so you will have to keep busy to try to keep your mind occupied as often as possable.... though night time will probably be the hardest, you will not cry yourself to sleep forever. For soemthing to do, try vulonteering for things in the community, like an animal shelture, nursing home, children's daycare, etc. Also there are many groups your could join, weither through a school if you are in one, or around town, such as book, arts, theature, and so forth. These activites will not only allow you to regain some independence, but allow your to make new friends. i don't know if you'd be intrested in it at all, or if theres even such a club near you, but i loved joining a fencing club :0D Also, getting a new pet might help a lot as well. if possable, invite some of your friends over for a weeknd, or go over their place, and have a big crazy slumber party filled with movies, ice cream and gossip. don't be afraid to talk to your parents or other older adults for commfort or support, but if you find yourself getting so depressed that you can't move, eat, or bathe, or even want to hurt yourself, please get help immeditly for a theripist can help guide you during this hard time and back towards happiness. The main thing you need to focus on now, esspically since it was a 2-year relationship, is getting your life back on track, and finding who you are as an individual again. thus, do activities you always enjoyed, or maybe always wanted to try, or if you ahve the money for it, maybe even go on a vacation to a place you always dreamed of going. spoil yourself, and love yourself.
stay strong. you will survive.
tons of huuggggs
-Juliette
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