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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: What did I do to deserve this? My boyfriend dumped me over some web posts he found. The funny thing is that those posts are from like 5 years ago! Whereas we have been dating for 3 years. That means, those posts are from BEFORE I met him!We have had issues with my past, some that have been much more substantial, but he had never treated me so badly over them. These posts were to some of my friends, crushes or some strangers. He thinks I'm a slut because 1) I discussed hot guys (celebs, gee!) with my friends in those posts, joking like "wouldn't it be interesting to be in a dark room with him?", 2) I posted some sort of flirty messages to my crushes back then and 3) I posted to strangers, funny thing, it only bothers him if they were male (like, he htinks I was horny or something and desperate to meet someone... far from the truth, but he doesn't believe me).And I mean, I have a very tame past. I lost my virginity to him! (The problem is even though I hurt that time, I didn't bleed, so he doesn't really believe that either!). I only ever gave half a bj to a friend... that's the only other sexual thing I've done, the rest has just been kissing and flirting. But to him, everything is an indication that I'm a slut, that I'm easy, that I'm not trustworthy. He told me I'm not the kind of woman he wants in his life.But it's so unfair, I haven't done anything! I mean, sure I didn't tell him about those posts, but I didn't even remember I had written them. Do you think he'll change his mind after a few days? He's the greatest guy I've ever met and I love him with all my heart, I doubt I'll ever meet someone who shares so much in common with me. The only problem I see with him is that he's jealous and insecure over my past. And I don't see why. It's the past. And it's tame!What can I do? In case he doesn't want me back, how do I get over him? I feel like the bad guy, but I know I'm not bad, so why do I even deserve this??
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crush, flirt, horny, insecure, jealous, kissing, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Wow, the replies are quick on the judgement here, aren't they?
It's not about what "is," it's about how he feels. His feelings may be misguided, but it's important that both partners can share how they feel. You're right-- he's insecure. Rather than writing him off, I'd say it's time to talk this through in a safe space where no judgement is involved. If you're committed to this, and it's a serious relationship, consider delving into these issues in couples counseling. After all, it appears this isn't the first time these problems have popped up.
Also, it's very possible that he has a very different value system than yours; how do your values, beliefs, and attitudes mesh? Are his self-consistent, and does he abide by his own or hold you to higher standards?
Whether you want to stay together or not, without a series of meaningful conversations and/or counseling, this likely won't work out. Best of luck, cheers, 3.
A
male
reader, manaja  +, writes (3 December 2009):
Im 44 years old and have dumped someone four years ago for her past , I was 40m then, she was a wonderful person and went on to meet someone else, I regretted it for a long time after, .I echo everything" Satin Desire" says. You dont need him , he is immature and has no respect for you at all, get rid of him and find someone who loves you and will not judge you when he wasnt even on the scene, he'l regret it not you, take care and all the best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 December 2009):
You're far better off without him. He's a control freak, and it would have got worse for you. You can find someone far better than him. Spend time focusing on yourself and your life, and you'll meet another guy who is better..
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A
female
reader, cheesy18  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 He could be the nicest guy in the world but he thinks so low of you. You deserve so much better. You gave him ur virginity and he thinks thats a lie. He thinks your a slut. Not cool for a boyfriend to ever say or think about the one girl they are with. Think about it if hes freaking out about something that happened 5 years ago as a joke how would he react if say you and him went to a club and guys started hitting on you or dancing with you? i can see it just getting worse. And you may have things in common but the truth is if he cant trust you then why should you trust what he's doing?...And if he thinks what you mentioned makes a girl a slut he is a friggin idiot.
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