A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He was my first love. He broke my heart and then he died one week later very suddenly.He ended things with me and I was crushed. He wanted to get back with his ex. I had moved to his city 3 months before our break up so I was especially hurt and humiliated. I went "no contact" after the tense, emotional break up. We never spoke again. One week later I got the shock of my life- a phone call that he had suddenly died.How to deal with pain like this? Can anyone relate? So much was left unsaid and my heart is shattered. This was 8 months ago. After he died I could barely function and I am still not feeling like myself at all. I heard very little from his family or friends since his death. Some family members even treated me coldly, I felt they were blaming me? He died after a night of heavy drinking and doing coke at the end of night. He never woke up. Everyone was shocked by the nature of his death, which was very out of character for him. I knew him to drink but never to snort drugs. Everyday I worry that he was struggling with his decision to drop me for her or maybe he wasn't thinking that at all and was just out of control. I will never know :/On top of my grueling grief, the crying, sobbing, despair and loneliness I felt so awful seeing the other girl at the services, having family be warm to her and cold to me. Feeling like people looked at me like "you caused this by being a bad girlfriend that he wanted to dump" ALL sorts of twisted thoughts.I did counseling, I journal, I go to work, I get sleep. I just feel EMPTY and all alone. Like no one can understand how complicated this is for me. I feel selfish for thinking of the other girl. 6 months after his death I moved out of his city and back to my hometown. That broke my heart all over again. Friends of mine barely mention him. They want me to be happy and start dating again. I get angry. I can't even think of that now...or should I be making more progress in my grief?I still love him so much and feel nothing but confusion over the way things ended and the isolation I have felt from his family and friends.Any responses would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Take it from me he already did coke and you just got trapped in part of the web of the end of his life.People are cold and blaming because it takes the blame of them but the truth is that he had problems prior to meeting you.To blame it on you is absurd but then if tbey didnt they would have to acknowledge that there were problems they never resolved.So its not your fault.Dont let them drag you down. Plan a new life away from this web and remember couples spat and split all the time ..its juzt the way it is.
A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (25 September 2015):
So sorry to hear this. I always say a breakup is like a bereavement & in your case you have both, so I can imagine the pain.
Is it the fact you never managed to talk things through before the end? I guess if you had split without him passing away - chances are you wouldn't get to chat to him anymore anyway. Many people break up & lose contact forever straight afterwards - so maybe look at it that way.
He decided to split with you - not the other way round - so look at it as out of your hands, no more you can do. So don't allow yourself to be blamed for anything.
Life works in mysterious ways, neither you nor his latest girlfriend will have the chance to talk things through with him.
It was not to be....life is cruel. But you will heal x
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