A
male
age
36-40,
*xjameswxx
writes:I don't really know where to start.Firstly, sorry for such a long post.We to give you a bit of background, i'm male, 22 from England, in full-time education.Basically, there's a guy in my class who, to be honest, I have a major major crush on him.I've known him for about 18 months now and about 4 months ago I found myself getting attracted to him even more. He's the best example of a man i've ever come across.He's 19 and I don't really go for younger guys. But he's like an old 19, he's so mature and grown up I find it hard to believe sometimes.I can safely say that in college, we're very good friends, we always talk and spend time togeter, by ourselves of with a group.Now, out of the whole college he's the only one that knows i'm gay. I've only told him because I know he's the only on that will be grown up about it. It doesn't bother him in the slightest that i'm gay, infact I think he's kinda pleased about it.We are both very much alike, so much i'd love to give it a go with him, but my problem is, he's straight, or at least he says so. Also he's also the type of person that is nice to everybody.He's so nice to me it's unreal and this is one reason I find it hard to believe he's straight. He does all kinds for me, he's bought me breakfast in the past, he invites me to all kinds of functions etc.Over time he's done things and said things that lead me to believe he's bi, or at least questioning.The lastest one was (and he knew I could hear him), he asked one of our class mates if he would have sex with another guy if it meant he could ever have sex again. HE said that he would, most definately. Now to me, this is dropping a hint. I also play with him about having a crush on his sister and his last reply was, 'If you fancy my sister then you must fancy me because we both look alike'. Again I feel that ths is dropping another hint.He's 'mooned' me in the past too, now to me I think a straight guy wouldn't do that to a gay one. He's had his top off infront of me, gets changed next to me in the changing room, all sorts.I have noticed that his behaviour changes when he's alone with me, the kind of behaviour when you like someone (I'm sure you know what I mean), eye contact, smiling a lot etc.He says he has a girlfriend and i've seen plenty of evidence to support this.I have sort of tested the water in the past. In my city it's gay night on a Thursday and i've asked him if he fancied coming along with me (With or with out his gf), for a night. To my face he's always said yes, but when it comes to actually doing something about it he's always had an excuse or doesn't reply to my texts.To me, I think he's doing this because he feels that if he does go he may enjoy it. To be honest I think he's knows he's bi or at least questioning it.I really don't know what to say, do or think.Maybe you guys know what I should do?Thanks for your time :) x
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male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (27 May 2011):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi guys and girls. I'm sorry it's been so long.Well...over the last few months or so I definately feel we're 'bonding' a hell of a lot more. But....what has happened over the last week or so has really thrown me...If you don't already know, the guy in question is the only guy in my class that knows i'm gay and the 'events' that's happened recently are really starting to confuse me.For instance..Other people in my class will make fun of me being gay, even thought they don't know i am...and they guy in question will defend me straight away, on this occasion it was at a point where I could clearly see that he was getting angry about people making these gay jokes, it was like he was taking them personal. When we're alone he's like a different person, he seems to be more relaxed, calm and certainly a lot more happy. He'll ask me questions or tell me things that he wouldn't normally say/ask around others, such as 'Did you go out last night?', 'Hey my sister......'.We also go to a second class together after college and this is when I feel is behaviour around me really changes.The latest events were:1) He sits right up close to me.2) He was showing me his new ipod even though I didn't ask to see it, to me, this is an excuse to 'get up close'.3)He stretches in front of me when he's up close.4) I was telling him about a song that I was listening to earlier in the day, he really wanted to talk about it and in the end he asked me to send it to him!5) He thinks in intelligent, I didn't expect that at all.and the big one!....We were both sat on the same computer in class and his body was facing me...I said something along the lines to him 'Ha, you've broken it', he looked at me with the warmest smile i've ever seen.I had to break the eye contact so either of us didn't feel awkward..but then.....he carried on looking at me!, even though i'd broken the eye contact between us, he must have looked at me for easily 4 seconds!Why would he do that? I don't even do it to guys I like for that long.I seroiusly think over the next few months or so i'll be understanding him a lot better.
A
male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (24 February 2011):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell...
Over the last few weeks I can confidently say that I feel he is getting 'closer'.
We chat more, a lot more if i'm honest. We talk about our private lives more. For example if he asks me a pesonal question i'll answer honestly. Like today, he asked me how many guys i'd been with in the past, if i'd ever been with a girl etc.
He tends to talk to me a lot about his girlfriend and the 'activities' they get up to. I don't really want to hear his stories because my heart just dies.
He's invited me to a celebration gathering in a few weeks time. I'm not sure if me attending is a good idea, I feel i'll end up getting drunk and saying something i'll regret later on.
My friends keep telling me that I should tell him how I feel, but, I don't want to ruin the bond/relationship we have now.
I just don't know what to do anymore :/ ..........
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A
male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (18 January 2011):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother little update for you guys.
His sister has asked me around there house for a few drinks one night soon. I have a funn feeling i'll find out some things that he may necessarily not want me know know, but we shall see. I'll keep you posted :)
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A
male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (17 January 2011):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I have a little update for you guys.
He has recently been away in New York for 3 weeks and this week he returned to college...
As soon as he saw me he was straight over talking to me with a big smile on his face, the happy to see you smile. He hasn't left my side all week. He even asked me to go shopping with him after college, I don't know why, so we could chat more, I don't know.
In this time I mentioned to him that at the end of June i'm thinking about having a break on the south coast. Straight away he said 'Can I come?'. Obviously I said yes lol.
This week has really convinced me that he's missed me over the last few weeks.
I really want to say something to him but I fear that i'll have got everything wrong.
But the major points for me this week is, he hasn't left my side, he asked me to go shopping with him, he's looked for any excuse to be around or to talk to me and he's agreed to go away with me. I really don't know what to think.
Either he is curious, gay, bi etc...........or he just loves my company??
It's all too confusing....
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A
male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (10 January 2011):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies guys. Time will tell I suppose. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I'm sure that he's gay and that he's using his girl friend as a cover up, since he's not yet completly out of the closet. From the hits that he droped, you can be 100% sure that he likes you. Take care !
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A
male
reader, xxjameswxx +, writes (2 December 2010):
xxjameswxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely agree with what you're saying about the girlfriend stuff and the tension that may be caused etc etc.
But I still can't understand all these 'signs' that he's giving me. I wanted another opinion really because like you say, I maybe noticing his behaviour in that way because that's how I want it to be.It's all very confusing :(
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I think you really like him. Because you really like him it is easy to distort his actual behaviour to fit with your fantasy of him being a possible partner. You maybe right in that he could be bi-sexual, but he does have a girlfriend meaning he is in a relationship and therefore unavailable. If you declare your feelings then you may ruin the friendship, or face an awkward time in college if you then share classes together. He hasn't agreed to come to gay night at the local club. He hasn't stated to you that he is bi-sexual. If you like him that much, you probably don't want to be his first 'experiment'. It may leave you heart-broken if the fling never goes anywhere further and he runs off back to his girlfriend. I think you have just got to careful about ruining the friendship. You have to remember that he is involved with a girl right now. If he cheated with you, he wouldn't be as 'nice' as he seems.
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