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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm scared, to be blunt about it.I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and two months. That might mean nothing to some of you, but it's my longest relationship.We planned on going to college together next year, and all that stuff, but now...He has no ambition to work, he's 21, and has yet to even get his G1 *In other words, he has yet to even try for his driver's license)...and I cringe at the thought of having to live with him for fear of me having to pay for his portion of rent, and "stuff"...Last year he was in college (I was still in high school) and he used to do silly things, like spend money on video games, and computer accessories when he didn't have enough to eat.But I love this guy. Really truly...And I feel I shouldn't be with him.Gosh. Even lately we have fights every day. I don't know a time when it wasn't a fight at least every other day. For the whole last year and however many months...And when we fight at first he's sorry, but then he's defensive, and it's my fault. When he was in college I called him every day, and now that he's home (still an hour away) he has yet to call me three times...I try to make plans for him to see me, but he bails...Oh gosh, I'm crying now even as I'm writing this, but I don't know if we could make it work, and I think I should break up with him.But I feel so heart-broken about it, and I don't want him to ever be hurt.Why can't there be some happy medium? Why can't he want to work instead of wasting his time?Why can't we just be happy and in love like we used to be...I feel so sad...I just need any morsel of...anything...you can give me.Thanks so much.
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ambition, money, video games Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel as though he's avoiding me, because he has lost interest in me, however last night, earlier in the evening, I had wrote him saying that I could tell he was avoiding me (I mean, he didn't even ask about my grandfather's burial the day before we fought), and I'd like to work on the problems I'm having with him, and named off a few (video games, and spending inappropriately being amongst them).Instead of replying with that he'd do anything to still have me in his life, and admitting to avoiding me, he just made excuses for all of his actions like"It's my money, and I can do with it as I like. And besides, you like tattoos, which are more frivolous than video games." And went so far as to say that I just didn't remember him asking about my grandfather's burial....I mean come on? Would I really not remember that event taking place?He doesn't understand that I'm yet to be in college and don't need to worry about necessities, and have always found jobs within a week wherever I am...unlike him who could not find a job in Ottawa for the entire college year that he was there, last year.Not only that, but it's been over a year since I received my tattoo, and it's only my second...which is more than enough to keep me happy until after college.
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female
reader, Moogie06  +, writes (10 May 2008):
Unfortunately, people change. And call it cliche, but I've noticed that people tend to change a lot in college- it just seems natural really. Most of the people I met have changed when they hit college- mostly for the better, fortunately.I believe you've gone past your honeymoon stage, and are now figuring out exactly what annoys one another. Having friends who do the same thing with video games when they could be buying food as well, I empathize with you. Sometimes hobbies get in the way of food- and he probably is too absorbed in his hobbies.However, the fact that he's bailing on you may mean that he's lost interest in you. It could be any number of things, but maybe he just lost the spark. And anyway, you said you fought with him every other day, so maybe he got tired of fighting, and found it easier to avoid you.What I'm saying is that he may have changed but you didn't- or you may have realized his faults that you didn't notice before.I think you should move on, fresh start, and go off to college yourself. Make some new friends, find someone else- it'll keep your mind off him. You sound like an ambitious girl- find someone else that matches your mindset better.That said, please think over anything before you put it into action.Best of luck
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male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 Hi there... well, that's quite a story! There were a few thoughts I wanted to pass along to you immediately after reading this...First, no matter what you do, do NOT live with this guy if you have even the slightest suspicion that he's going to freeload off you for rent, food... whatever...Second, if you have plans for a higher education do NOT let this guy interfere with your plans. Even if he was God's gift to you, do NOT let him screw up your education.OK... I just felt the need to stress those points before anything. It seems to me that the two of you are on opposite ends of the responsibility scale... you having some and him having none, zip, nada! Even though it might hurt you now, in the long run, can you see yourself going on with a long-term relationship where you're doing all the work, earning all the money and he's sucking off you like some kind of leach? This all might be painful, but I hope you see where this is leading -- you continually being hurt and him driving you crazy AND bankrupt! I think you need to give yourself a reality check here and ask yourself if this is the kind of lifestyle you want for yourself. It seems like you've got responsibility and have ambition. Don't hold yourself back with a guy that's more interested in the next release of Halo than you...Best wishes!
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