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female
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anonymous
writes: i ave been with my boyfriend for a long time but he never tells me how he feels and doesnt listen to how i feel which causes us to argue what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): If your bf was like this in the beginning, then you need to understand this is who 'he is' and this was a choice you made, to accept this about him. However, with that said..if he has become this way, recently, then you and he have some serious relationship problems a brewing. It all has to do with communication, respect amd supportiveness. You do not want to turn into nag every time you try to tell him something. but the cold fact is that if he continues this behavior, you will turn into an angry, bitter woman. This killing your spirit and it will kill the love.
A healthy relationship with respect and love is: When someone else's happiness and well-being is just as important as your own. If you are arguing then then you have told him how this feels. If he doesn't want to make a positive change that means that he either doesn't take you seriously or he doesn't care. I'm going to assume that he does care so your job is to show him that you won't permit his behavior any longer. Set some boundries, dear or this relationship will sink. If you can't do that and you want to save this relationship...get into some relationship counseling with him. If he doesn't want to do this, then re-evaluate this relationship seriously because if this could be a HUGE indicator of what your future holds in store for you. So when someone overlooks their responsibilities in a relationship or disregards the other person's feelings, it is time to seriously re-think if this is what you want. I think it is time to pull back and see whether he is committed to you or just the"convenience" of you. Boundries are important in a relationship. They let the other what you will and will not permit in a relationship with out losing yourself. When you lose your boundaries, you get forgotten and feel put-upon. The resentment on your part, only builds over time.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 April 2006):
 People have different personalities and different ways to deal with emotion. For example my hubby doesn't like to talk about how he is feeling, I on the other ahnd do. But my hubby is very demonstrative, buys me chox and flowers, sends cute text messages. I talk each and every emotion thru, it is my way of *thinking* things over - if that makes sense. Anyhow I think what I am trying to say is maybe he just isn't a talker. It doesn't mean he doesn't FEEL the emotion just he doesn't feel the need to talk about them.
Todays society is obsessed with making everyone *deal* with their emotions, if you don't talk there is something wrong with you type-of-thing. But this is not a suitable way of coping for everybody and I think we need to be more accepting of that and each others emotional differences. Maybe talking like this makes him uncomfortable. Who says talking will make him feel any better anyway. This is YOUR way of doing things, dont have rows just cos he thinks in a different way to you. Accept each others differences and move on with your relationship.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): well i feel ya there! i am only in middle school but im inlove also and he is a cheater and a BIG Liar and he thinks i should just beg and beg and beg him to cum back to me but i am tired of doing it! i write him letters telling him all tha time and he acts like he doesnt even care about how i feel or nothing so just try what i am trying and JUST TRY to get over him! i know it is gonna be hard cause even though i am in middle school i know what it is like to be in love believe me! So just try harder and think that he is no good for you and i promise it will eventually work if it was meant to be but if not than u know what will happen!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 April 2006):
 Some people just cannot express their emotions...I show mine through gifts, cooking etc to my husband as I hate saying I love you and bottle up problems...some people are terrible listeners too. Why not write him a letter telling him how you feel, or finding time to talk away from distractions...take him up a mountain where he HAS to listen to you!
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