A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So about a month and a half ago I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. It was obvious that it wasn't going to work and was sort of mutual. We were only together for 6 months and while we were together I always had a little crush on his best friend. The attraction was obvious and everyone could see it. Recently the friend and i got together when he was near me on business and we have been seeing each other for about a month now. The tricky thing is we want to be together but he has too much of a conscience and feels bad for my ex so he won't tell him and is afraid to continue. How can i make him see that my ex and I would never have worked out and if we love each other it isn't wrong?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 hi,
I'm afraid this problem has been around as long as we have been walking around on two feet.
Let me give you a guy's perspective. In all likelihood he is very worried about hurting his friend's feelings. I would say that in 90% of cases the friend would be very pissed off that his mate has taken up with his ex girlfriend. We guys are not the best communicators in all things emotional but it doesnt mean that our hearts arent ripped out if we see a past love in the arms of a friend.
Its human nature I guess.
But having said that, I believe that nobody owns anyone. It's ridiculous to believe that you can't pursue a relationship with whomever you like.
What you need to do is talk, is he committed to the relationship or is he using his not wanting to upset his friends as an excuse.
The crux of the matter lies there I believe, if he really is committed he will find a way to tell his friend. If he's not then he won't and really is probably not ideal boyfriend material anyway.
In any event, it is still early days, after 1 month perhaps it is too early to upset the apple cart. Maybe you should wait at least a few more months and still see if you are committed to each other.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): You are living in a dream world if you think ANYONE would think dating his best friend (especially right away) would be okay. Thier friendship would end immediately. How would you feel if your ex started dating your best friend a short time after you broke up?
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