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female
,
*rankie
writes: I am really down about my relationship of 7 months with my boyfriend and I would appreciate a male point of view. The fact is I am totally in love with him and am very confused about whether he is ever going to feel the same about me. He was the one who chased me in the first place and I know he's totally attracted to me and likes hanging out and doing things together. He would never be unfaithful or deliberately do anything to hurt me. We do spend a lot of time together, and we have a lot of fun. However, I don't ever get any feeling of closeness from him. After 7 months I feel like we should be there for each other and be able to share our feelings at least a little. He has never had a relationship this long and feels this would be moving too fast for him. He is always thinking of what his friends might be doing of an evening before he ever commits to spending time with me. Should I take this badly? If I get upset about his distant behaviour it upsets him too. He doesn't want to talk it through because he says he doesn't want this kind of intensity in our relationship. I am then very insecure and paranoid that he doesn't really care about me much at all. He doesn't understand this. Am I asking too much of him to be expecting him to open up to me a little? Should I stick around in the hope that he will eventually be able to/want to get closer to me? Or am I naive to think this might ever happpen?
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (21 July 2005):
I understand what you feel, I dated a man for over a year who I truly fell for and believed I had a future with. He was attractive, charming, witty and intelligent. He was the perfect gentleman.
In truth he was a perpetual bachelor and would always put his mates/work/going to the pub before seeing me. I tried to talk to him about it, but he disliked confrontation. Eventually I became depressed and disheartened with men altogether.
Give him a little more time (maybe a couple of months?), and keep attempting to talk to him. However, if he refuses to change I'm afraid you will have to accept that he's not prepared to fight for you, and is simply not relationship material at this moment in time. If this is the case it will be hard but the best thing to do is to cut your losses than remain in a relationship that will eventually erode your confidence and self worth.
Good luck
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