A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like ive wasted my time , my boyfriend ( of 4 month) just blurted out he doesnt want kids .We havent talked about having any or any anytime soon. i dont know why he just said it , he already has 2 ( pre teen )but i always wanted one and he knew this from the start. I dont have time on my side should i just call it quits with him and find someone else ? i dont think trying to talk him round would work , what should i do ?
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (1 March 2018):
 A guy that you've been dating for four months who already has kids that SAYS he doesn't want more kids is not going to be the father of your baby
I think your best bet is a sperm donor or adoption due to age- for many the cut off point is 40 for good reason. I mean you can't RUSH finding the right guy- it's a matter of a year or two at least.
You know you would love a child but if you elope with any Tom Dick or harry the child may end up with the worst father ever growing up in an unstable environment. And after 4 months you barely know him.
If you want children that bad go to a sperm donor or adopt, you can get help from the government as a single mother.. and who's to say you'll be single that long? It might happen tomorrow or it might happen in 3 years I wouldn't wait any longer though.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 February 2018):
 If you don't like him for himself, then you need to walk away. It is his right not to want more children, just as it is your right to want one.
Do bear in mind that (1) you may not find someone else in time who wants to have a child with you and (2) even if you do, there is no guarantee you will have a child. Given your age, your chances of conceiving are already falling rapidly. Many couples experience fertility problems, especially as they get slightly older. There are no guarantees where babies are concerned.
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A
female
reader, louiselistens +, writes (28 February 2018):
 Hi anonymous writer,
that must have been so frustrating to learn, especially after you made it clear in the beginning that you did want children in the near future and he chose to wait to tell you that he did not.
The best thing you can do right now is have an honest, open conversation with your boyfriend about what you both want from the relationship and in your futures. Neither of you should be forced to compromise your needs for the hope that the other might change their mind so it is important to find out if your wants and needs are compatible.
If they aren't, sadly it might be time to part ways.
All my best,
louiselistens
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): 4 months.,.good way to scare off a man real fast.You do not even know him at all...I would say you would be better off going to a sperm bank but really look you are over 40.The chances of having a baby with down sydrome or other birth defects is very high because your eggs are too old.Why would you even chance that? Adopting or being a foster parent might be the answer for you.I know you want your own baby but if you do that with your age that is very selfish.To be a mother you cannot be selfish to be a mother the child always must come first...have a cup of coffee and really think about this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 February 2018):
 I think you need to start looking into becoming a single mother. It's better to do it on your own from the start than waste time (in your 40s) looking for sperm donors you've only been with for 4 months.I get it. You want a child of your own. Okay, so stop wasting time. No decent guys will be prepared to be a father within a few months, which is when you'd need to start trying to get pregnant, due to your age. So, skip the unnecessary part of choosing a known stranger as your child's father and choose a sperm donor who has signed away rights from the start.It's better to have two parents, but you are running out of time and you don't want to rush into it with someone you barely know, only to find out they're a cheater or liar. A large number of single parents do very well raising their child/children, provided they have family support.Honestly, OP, unless you're open to adoption (great, if you are!), you need to get started on having a baby through a reputable sperm bank. You can always find someone later on, once you have your own child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): Im the OP , i didnt bring up the subject of kids , i didnt know what to say after so didnt say anything he just started talking about different stuff. Ive always wanted to be a mother i just never met the right man . I am not looking for a sperm donor . He is divorced and i think with the marriage ending has put him off and doesnt want a failed one again. i havent mentioned getting married as i am not bothered for that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): He has only been your boyfriend for four months. If this is a deal-breaker, and you feel the clock is ticking. Waste no more of your time.
He didn't say he didn't like kids, he has kids. He's the father of two teens and sometimes their antics makes you wish you never had kids. His response may have been rhetorical, or off the cuff. I think you're getting ahead of yourself on this; because you're not even well-established as a couple in four-month's time. You may not even want him as a boyfriend in six months!
Well, there's one way to remedy this situation. Tell him you do want kids. Then if he insists he doesn't, it's over.
You are apparently looking for a sperm-donor. You didn't even allow enough time to determine how strong the relationship is, before you considered bringing the topic of kids into the situation.
Get to know his kids, and decide if you really do want to be a mother. After all, if he decides to take it as far as marriage, when you should be having kids, you'd instantly be a mom!
If you can see so far into the future that you can see him as a husband and father; you should also be considering being a "step-mother." So, how do you feel about that? For the moment, that's more of a reality than getting pregnant.
Besides not needing a man to get pregnant.
Do you want to be a mother and a wife? If that doesn't seem to be in your future with him, then you know what your options are. You didn't need to come here to be told what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): Four months isn't that long for you to say that you have wasted your time. You barely got to know each other a bit. And yes, he has the right not to want any more kids, and no, there's nothing wrong with that.
He told you now so that you would know where he stands. Maybe he needed time to think about it and realized he's quite content with his two and doesn't want anymore.
It's up to you to decide. If the kids are important to you, you can have them on your own or find another partner. But whatever you decide, do it sooner rather than later.
My sister hit 40 and is now trying like crazy to get pregnant.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (28 February 2018):
I think it's a bit harsh to say he's wasted your time- how quickly can people realistically start talking about their future together?
If he's had his kids I too doubt you'll change his mind. If you want children you'll need to let him go and look elsewhere. Or if that's your main effort perhaps consider starting without a man.
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