A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years it has been a long time coming and although im upset that it's ended I also feel relief. When we met we just clicked straight away and we both got on so well I thought this is the one and he is my soulmate (he also thought the same) but he said at the start of the year he doesn't want to buy a house with me because he couldn't imagine living with anyone, he doesn't want children and he believes marriage is a piece of paper but to me all those things are so important and that's the only way I believe my relationship can move forward. Plus in the last 5 months we have not been out together at all not to the cinema, for a drink or even food. We just sit in his mom's house in his bedroom every night.It was a mutual agreement for it to end and now while I've been going out and having fun with my friends he will not stop texting me and crying down the phone that he misses me and he wants all those things to keep me and he can't bear the thought of anyone else having me. I'm just so confused because I just don't know what to do, I'm enjoying myself which I haven't in a very long time but can't imagine not seeing him again and feel guilty because he is so upset. What shall I do because I know we both want different things?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): It will take time to get over him but this hurt that you are going through is worth it. Keep your distant for a while. It sounds like you are only really considering going back because he is crying and telling you that he misses you but I think you know you have done the correct thing. He doesnt want to commit to the relationship and that is what you want and need. Which I thinkis good.
You were obviously sleeping together and what would happen if say you got pregnant and he left. You'd be saying I wish he married me, why did I stay etc etc. But he has made it clear that he doesnt want marriage and you do. Therefore their is no future.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 October 2008):
I think you are right not to be in this relationship.It sounds a lot like my first serious boyfriend.Keep moving on, going out, having fun.You've done the right thing here. I can tell from your answer that you would have been miserable if you stayed in your relationship.He'll get over you. Just stay calm when he calls and keep telling him that he doesn't really want marriage, and kids, and all the rest. That he'll find someone who wants the same things he does. Remind him about all the things you used to do that annoy him. Re-assure him you are happy being single for now and there is no one else involved. But just calmly repeat that you weren't happy in the relationship and are happy being single. Plus you don't always have to answer his calls.He'll get the message and start to get over you in a week or so.Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Renata1967  +, writes (6 October 2008):
I say continue what you are doing and as hard as it is to see him so upset, it will pass in time. To keep this relationship going is not fair to either one of you. The things that you both want are just too different. Big issues like children, buying a home, and marriage are not the best things to make compromises for.You said that it's been a very long time since you've enjoyed yourself this much - that says a lot right there....
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