A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend thinks i'm avoiding his friends but i'm not, i just feel awkward around people i dont know. I've always been the same, i'm very quiet at first and i dont speak unless im spoken to. When i'm comfortable in someones company i will add my own conversation in and really get to know the person, ive always been the same. My boyfriend thinks i'm avoiding going to see his friends but its not that i just dont want to be sat in silence in a room feeling really silly and awkward. I've met most his friends at least once, but only met one that i'm comfortable with. The other ones seem nice enough, but i dont know what to say to them or anything. I get the feeling theyre not going to like me cos i keep saying im too tired to go down and see them and stuff like that. I just wanna avoid feeling like a twat!!Another thing as well is, i deal with my emotions by shutting off and pretending i'm ok. I go into a little cacoon, and sit and think on my own. I've always been exactly the same way. I've never had a real relationship, this is my first one, all my other experiences havent lasted very long or ive been used for sex. This is the first time i've ever lived with a lover. Everytime i'm upset or angry at something he's done i go silent and look into space thinking things over because i've never been the type of person to scream and shout when somethings got to me. But he keeps pressuring me and telling me to speak to him. I'd rather be on my own and have thinking space when i'm upset, i'm just that type of person! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I can relate, I used to be really quiet and I hated confrontation and I didn't like admitting when something was wrong but...you have to speak up because, it builds tension when one person wants to know why the other person is upset or what is on their mind but they aren't getting a response. :( I was passive in my relationship, I would blow things off when I was really hurt and it escalated into me being depressed with all of these unresolved emotions and such.
Eventually...I forced myself to talk about what was wrong and I felt better...I was uncomfortable for a long time but I eventually felt alright. You should tell him what you told us, and don't hold back. He shouldn't force you to see his friends, he should ask you and respect your decision not to. He probably feels bad leaving you alone and wants to include you in but, its okay to be away from each other for a lil' while.
A
female
reader, gemmaxx09 +, writes (23 May 2009):
 You shouldnt be pressured into meeting your boyfriends mates. I wasnt fussed on my ex's friends, the first time i met them, it was in a house party and my ex went upstairs and drank on his own with his best mate and left me with a bunch of strangers. I am a quiet person but after like 5mins i get all chatty, think he didnt like it coz i got on with them better than him. I just wanted to make a good impression, god knows why he bloody didnt, showed off, got hammered and i stayed sober.
Anyways, your bf knows you have a quiet personality and you dont feel comfortable in situations where there is a group of people. They are his friends not yours. Fair enough if it was his family, becuase they will always be there, but you can choose your friends not your family. You should be the most important and bugger his friends. Yes he can have his friends but dnt put them on you. My ex sed to me once are you ever going to see my mates again and i said no thanks, theyre not gunna be there in 10 years time i am, i dont have to see your mates. However, im prbz more argumentative, just tell him that you dont feel comfortable and stop pressuring you. But if you feel you have to meet them to make him happy, he should make it as comfortable as possible for you like making conversation and involving you in the conversation. Maybe staying with you until u feel comfy talking more.
Hes probably just worried about you when your silent like that, just say leave me alone for a 5, aslong as he knows your ok. You should talk to him though if you feel upset, when youn are ready.
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