A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I make my husband really see how much pain he has caused me and our children since I discovered his affair? He is very eager to put it in the past and try and move forward. I am too. But I feel like I want him to realize how devastating it is and I don't think he truly gets it.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
i am unsure that you hb is ashamed of his behaviour. i think he is kicking himself for getting caught . Having said this You owe it to yourself, your kids and your marriage to get some answers. this was not a small "mistake" . therefore it is vital that it is addressed. so if you rant and rave he just needs to deal with it. you need to get it out of your system. you need to understand what happened. so in dealing with all this yes, you will have heated talks with him. And you must. how else do you make peace and how else do you build on from this. if you sweep this under the carpet and pretend that it didn't happen this is the worse thing for you and your marriage. Bottom line: he needs to suck it in and feel the heat, after all what he should count his lucky stars that you did not kick him out of your and the kids lives. he is lucky he has got a second chance but remeber he doesn't call the shots. you need to mourn the betrayal and you need to work towards healing. take care.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Your husband wants to move past this because he is ashamed of his behavior and he is avoiding having the difficult conversations that need to take place. I think he understands how much he hurt you, but he still needs to allow you to express your feelings. This is not something you can just "get over" as if the two of you had a petty argument. You're not going to be able to truly forgive him until he acknowledges your pain and you should make this clear to him.
If both of you sincerely want to repair your marriage, get into marriage counseling IMMEDIATELY! The affair needs to be discussed openly and honestly — no matter how difficult talking or hearing about this may be. A marital therapist to be able to help you and your husband talk constructively about the affair and support you in rebuilding your marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 The only way to make him realize this is to bring more pain into your family so if you have to do something sit him down and explain everything to him. After that if you're going to stay with him just let it go. I've have seen friends parents go through this and in the end it will just harm your children if you are not able to get past this and move on.
I hope you can find a way to deal with this and be happy in the end.
...............................
|
