A
female
age
36-40,
*t1177
writes:We've been in a relationship for almost two years, we're very much in love we're about to have a baby and get married, but there is something ive never been able to get off my mind. When we first started dating he would mention his a little said she wasnt really a girlfriend but friends with benfit type of thing, and that it was nothing and he wasnt in love. Well as time went on he tells me that he had planned this hiking trip with her before he met me and asked me if I would like to go along, telling me they were still good friends, but had not slept together in a year. He asked me if I was uncomfortable with it, and I wanted to be honest so I said yes a little, and then he took that too mean that the whole thing would turn out to be a mess and got very defensive, we went on this trip it was a disaster. She was not very into getting to know me either she was very withdrawn, and I was pretty sick at the beginning of the trip to begin with. We eventully tried to move past this to move on. Time when on and we went on a trip to an area where she lives because its a trip we had been planning to that area anyways but he (my boyfriend) told me things would be different this time, but when he got there he acted almost uncomfortable to me close to me and seemed unerved by the situation, when I brought it up he said its all in your head and that I was being clingy. At the same time when I tried to let things go when a group of us were hanging out and be friendly with her she was very snobish and not interested in getting to know me at all. Well a few months ago she called and I lost it and we decided to bring in a third party to get some perspective, that helped a lot or so I thought, and I thought finally things will change and this will get better. Well just tonight she called him and he said to me the next time he talked to her he would show how he felt about me, but this time was like others hell state facts in a very casual way about how we're doing but he doesn't really show his true heart like he does with everyone else about me. what is the deal?he told her we're having a baby but said it like " so shes pregnant and we're having a baby" and then when he was going to tell her about us getting married he said yep so we're getting married her soon you know cause I wanna show my commitment and stuff. what the hell is that! he gets all excited to everyone else goes into detail with anybody else, but this bitch he cant ? I dont know what to think or what to do? I'm at my last straw help!
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female
reader, xxbuggabu24xx +, writes (30 December 2010):
 First i want to say that this is me and what i would do im not saying you should do it. You guys are getting married and having baby and that should be the number one thing in his life. If this girl is causing problems and you've already talked to him about it i would go about it from a different angle..example.. Hun how would you feel if the situation were reverse and i still talked to someone that was a past fuck buddy AND i made it seem like you didnt mean much to me. I wouldnt back him into a corner and say its me or her. I would just point out that it hurts you and he should do everything possible not to hurt you or cause problems in ur relationship. That you guys have a baby on the way and you want it to work but you dont see how it can with her interfearing and that you should be more important then her. I would also consider holding off on the wedding until you know for sure if this is how your relationship is going to be the rest of your life and if thats what you want.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I hate to be the one to deliver bad news, but he had feelings for her that he never really worked out. That explains everything you've described.
The good part is that his excitement that he shows to everyone else is likely genuine. The reason he has trouble showing it with her is because of both those unresolved feelings and probably because she doesn't like you. Most likely she had some feelings too and you stole the man she wanted to be with. Usually in FWB arrangements, the women get more attached than the men, so if he's attached, you can pretty safely bet she is too. So that's the bad news.
What to do? He's chosen to be with you. That means you're not his second choice. Unfortunately, only you can decide what's right for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): It sounds like this woman is jealous of you and doesn't want to acknowledge your relationship with your boyfriend because it leaves her out in the cold. And that he is trying to protect her from getting hurt. But of course she is hurt.
You could try spending some time alone with her and have a woman to woman chat, and see if that gets you anywhere. Or you could tell your boyfriend you want to spend holidays just the two of you (or family eventually) or with friends he's never had any sexual involvement with. It is time this other woman moved on, and really it is up to her own platonic friends to help her with that.
I think a lot of people have these friends with benefit things because they haven't what they really want - a proper relationship.
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