A
female
 ,
*eachie
writes:I should probably say up front that both the person I'm talking about and I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, had sex or even kissed anyone. Also, if some parts of this post aren't clear, it's because I'm attempting to truncate a really huge complicated situation! I'm sacrificing complete incoherence for semi-confusion, lol.Basically, I met this guy over the Internet in Jan/Feb of 2006. He is 21, a few months older than me (I'm 20). We have always been excrutiatingly honest with one another, generally get on really well personality-wise and talk to each other for hours at a time. I have never really had any male friends, so this is really nice for me.He came to visit me in Jan of 2007 and I thought I didn't like him in *that* way. However, we do know that we get on really well and so things carry on as per usual. Fast-forward to February and I have basically realised that I might have feelings for him. We end up having this phone conversation on (of all days!) Valentines' Day, and I admit to him that I've been feeling confused. He also comes out and tells me that he has been feeling the same towards me but after getting the vibes from me that I didn't like him, he didn't pursue anything and attempted to 'get over me'.He then comes to visit again but he is still confused about me vs. this other girl he has started speaking to who he thinks he likes. We basically end up with me lying across his lap and holding hands. NOTHING more happened, apart from us commenting about how weird it was that we were so comfortable being like this, seeing as he is normally really reserved about touching people and things. Anyway, he ends up feeling *more* confused about the whole situation, whereas I'm just really calm and happy.We carry on talking, until about mid-March where he says he wants to come and see me again to figure out "where we are". I agree. However, I realise later on in the visit something is up. When I ask he ends up admitting that he fancies one of my housemates. However, I didn't feel upset or anything (which is weird). Infact I asked him whether he wanted me to help him out with it! I think that kind of confused him even more.After he admits that, we end up with me sitting behind him and basically stroking his chest etc etc. I didn't realise until later but he told me that he had actually got a partial erection at this time. About two days after this occasion, he rings me and says that he has "made a decision" on us. This is that he doesn't like me in *that* way, purely based on that he is not attracted to me physically. At the time it isn't that much of a huge deal to me, because I still think to myself that he's secretly confused.However, the past month or so, the more it's bothering me, because I seem to be liking him a lot more. I don't know where to go. It's really annoying because I like touching him and cuddling him, and now he's saying that I'm not allowed to do that anymore when he comes to visit. At the same time, I'm also confused as to whether I actually like *him* or whether I just feel safe with him and so am kind of finally getting to do my whole 'teen experimentation' stage now. I guess my question is do you think his decision is true, or just based on a fear of the unknown in that there's the possibility of a relationship with me?
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female
reader, Peachie +, writes (18 April 2007):
Peachie is verified as being by the original poster of the question In response to another person's point, I started looking on the web about 'non-sexual' erections and what I found was really useful. Turns out that "touch administered to any part of the body can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which can result in a partial or complete erection" [Integrative Healthcare.org]I'm not necessarily sure whether that is a good or bad thing in terms of whether he likes me or not...I suppose generally good in that he did tell me he felt relaxed and stuff.Looking at the whole thing now, I think the underlying issue I have is that he has basically put a prohibition on any sort of cuddling/touching, which I really enjoy. This *doesn't* necessarily have to lead to us having sex or anything, and tbh, I'm not *really* looking for him to reciprocate (although I have to admit that might be nice, but only in the fact that I would then know I wasn't continually 'extending' myself towards him with no recompense).My annoyance with him is that he doesn't want to do anything even vaguely 'sexual' when he doesn't like me in *that* way. He also says that I put 'meaning' into hugs and things (which I do, I s'pose) and therefore that makes it worse if he lets me continue. I don't know, it's a bit of a conundrum.I've never really had the opportunity to touch/be close to someone who's a guy, that I know really well and that I trust - and it's frustrating me that I'm not allowed anymore *sighs*. TBH, I don't even know if I *want* a relationship, but (like I said before) that I'm just indulging my whole 'teen experimentation' stage which I missed out on. If it's the case of the latter, then that isn't fair on him because I would just be using him as a 'test-subject'. But at the same time, I worry that both of us are overthinking all of this massively...
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 You'll never know unless you level with him. Tell him: "I think we could be really good together; I think we should try it out (for real) and see." See what he says.
He may be having a hard time with the mixed signals, and decided that if he can't have more from you he doesn't want anything. So stop giving mixed signals.
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