A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for four months, he is a great guy actually but the only thing is, he doesn't seem to listen to me, whenever I am talking to him seriously, he would just say something to tell me I am wrong but he is right, and when I got frustrated, he will say he was only joking..does this means that he doesn't respect me, and what should I do? I really don't want to end this relationship but when I discuss this with him, he will somehow find a way to cover what he did or avoid answering by saying he is tired and wanted to sleep... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help, really appreciate it, i am now stable with my boyfriend..thank you so much
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 Hmmm,
I may actually read that book now! Thanks LonelyTwo!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): birdynumnums is so right. Relationships after the courting can be so difficult and confusing. The book she spoke of, sheds some light on this.
In this book, the suthor speaks of a man in his cave: this is the part where the female feels he isn't listening. As a man, I am always thinking, and I recall once expressing my thoughts at the request of my girlfriend. After a while, she said okay, enough is enough, I am more confused then I was before I listened, when your ready, then I'll listen. When one person is thinking, it is hard to comphrend what another is saying: the brain can only work so fast in sorting out and analysing, that would be us men.
Now for the right and wrong he mentioned; I can't answer what he knows or doesn't know, but I understand I have been in situations with my wife where I knew she was wrong, and this was because of experience, but explaining it to the point that at least she understood where I was coming from was another story, whether it was my inability to express myself, or whether she was in a state of mind that she wouldn't be able to understand what I was saying.
As this book states, certain words men like to use, don't go over very well with women, just as words women like to use, don't go over very well with men. This is the road block to communication that has to be worked out, and sometimes, reading and expressing how another person views it, like the author of this book, may help each other understand each others position better.
When he says he is tired, then he is probably drained, and I know for myself, that if someone continues to poke and prode, trying to get an answer out of me, I will become angry, and you may not like the words I will eventually speak if provoked.
Relationhips are difficult if you don't understand the basic rules (as some are explained in the book). Breaking off this relationship will only postpone the problem to a latter time, but with someone else. I think if we can all learn these things, marriages would not for the most part, end up in divorce.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (26 March 2008):
It's clear that you could both use some work at communicating and understanding each other, but I would advise you to choose your battles wisely. Don't start in asking questions late at night when he is tired and his temper is short. I would also caution you that men and women tend to speak at crossed purposes - men always want to come up with a answer and solve a problem, therefore they see things in "right and wrong" or always attempt to give a solution. Women want validation and understanding, they just want to talk in general terms and have agreement from the listener. I don't think that he is disrespecting you, but I think that you BOTH have to work at trying to understand each others thought processes a bit better. Easier said than done, and that it why So many authors have made a fortune out of writing books on this subject! The best one still probably is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", if you want a bit of insight on the problem!
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