A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a college student and I volunteer in a biology lab. For the past 8 weeks we've had a physics and math major helping us out doing some calculations. This is his final week in our lab as the project is just about finished and I really like him. The problem is I don't know what to make of him. He will have the lab in stitches with a constant stream of jokes, each funnier than the last. He seems very kind too. He baked the lab cookies last week with different cell organelles drawn on them in icing. Also, five days into his time with us a guy in the lab got dumped last week by his girlfriend and was pretty blue about it. He brought the guy out for beers after work and cheered him up despite not knowing the guy. He had a 9am deadline the next day and stayed up all night, not going to sleep until the next evening after having his time eaten up cheering up my labmate. I thought that was so kind.At the same time, he works out a lot -- which is great...visually. However, if you ask him why he's so enthusiastic about lifting weights he'll mention that he plays hockey. Some of my friends have seen him play and when I asked them they mentioned they saw him get into a very drawn out fist fight on the ice. He's so smart, I just don't get why he "doesn't mind a good 'ice fight' every now and then"(his words...). I'm still not sure if he's joking, for once. Guys who like fighting, in my experience, tend to be very disrespectful, especially towards women...However, he doesn't seem like that. All the other people in the lab are male, and I would be lying if I didn't sometimes feel out of place. They're sometimes (not always) oblivious to me feeling excluded and it stings when it happens. He seemed to pick up on this during a lab meeting the other day and while "the guys" we talking without me, he got up, stood next to me instead and whispered "us ladies got to stick together" (making a little joke, of course). That brightened up my day so much.We've had some long conversations after work is done for the day and he flirts with me...Despite my hangups about his hockey habits (shall we say), I like it. He has these incredible blue eye and when he looks at you feel like you're the only person who exists. Anyway, we had coffee yesterday evening and he kissed me. I can't think about anything else. My heart races when I think about him. My friends gush over him and I know I do too when I'm around him. Anyway, everyone is going to a local bar tomorrow night to celebrate this huge project finally being done. He said we should go for an hour and then head downtown on our own. I'm so excited. I just want to let this thing play out, but the fighting thing bothers me. I have an ex or two who liked fighting other guys...I don't want another boyfriend who is all ego. I don't think he is (the opposite even) but I'm just worried.What should I do?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 I think you're mistaking sports and adrenaline with a guy who just picks fights for fun.
Fighting is a part of hockey. It wouldn't be hockey without the fighting. Hell, that's why I enjoy going to games. Without it, I'd be bored to tears.
I was an athlete all my life. I played soccer in college and almost played on the US women's national team, if I hadn't dropped out. Point being, I played very competitively. And I can tell you, while on the field, it brings out a side of you that's very different than off the field. You have your adrenaline pumping and you're heart is racing and you have an audience watching you. All that coupled together, makes you do things you normally wouldn't. It brings out a primal aide of you.
One time, during a game, I actually picked a girl up and body-slammed her because she had hurt my teammate unnecessarily. I also have pushed and shoved and gotten in other fights on the field, as well. I'm the most calm-natured and chill person you could ever meet. I should never hurt a fly. So the person I was on the field was completely different than the person I was off the field.
I think the same is for him. I'm sure his adrenine gets going and his teammates egg him on and the audience pumps him up and it just happens. I don't remotely believe this makes him an aggressive person. Now, if he gets aggressive OFF the ice, then I could see it. But I personally wouldn't judge his behavior based on sporting events. Especially a sporting event where fighting is expected.
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 July 2014):
 This is a first. For me anyway. Someone who thinks a man playing hockey is a red flag.
OP, his hobby allows him to use up pent up energy. His off ice behaviour is not at odds with his interest in hockey. In fact the two support one another. He isn't beating up on small, weak people. He's playing a game and occasionally getting a bit rough with other like minded men, but only on the ice.
My husband played hockey all his life, as does my brother in law and others I've known.
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