A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My live-in boyfriend thinks i do not do as much housework as him when i do. He also thinks that whilst he does it to make me be happier in a clean home that i only do it if i occasionally feel like it. He doesnt seem to care what my opinion of him is but i really care that he thinks i do less than him. Plus he earns three times more than me. We agreed to pay equally for bills and rent because in the past if we fought he'd make comments that technically it was his flat etc. But, despite my spending the same/more on food for us he feels he spends more!! At the end of the month, because i try to be really equal i am usually broke and then i do have to rely on him a bit. This causes resentment on his part because he usually runs low on cash then too, but it feels unfair. I spend all my money on us and he becomes broke because he spends all his additional money on himself. He goes out every weekend and spends a small fortune on drinks while i work my weekend unpaid job that i am doing to help further my career. Help! Should I budget even harder to survive the entire month or is it really stupid to try last on what i earn and pay everything equally when he cant survive on three times as much as me? Any advise about any of this greatly appreciated. xxxx
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I don't know how long your lease is, but you fell into a trap a lot of couples fall into. Luckily for you, there is a pretty easy way out of it, but it might take a few months...more specificly, the balance of your lease, to get out of it.
While it's true, no matter who has the higher income, expenses should be split 50/50.
The thing is, the flat/apartment should be at a rate that is comfortably affordable to the party with the less income. That's just it -- the place you're living in is too expensive for you. However, if you got one with a lesser monthly payment/utilities, it would then be within your reach, and much of the financial burden will be a whole lot easier. If he wants more than what you can afford, he pays for it. You shouldn't feel railroaded to go in over your head because the party with the higher income wants more than the lower income party can afford.
As far as the housework is concerned, is this true? Does he do more than you? Income size should have no bearing if you're splitting things equally. One week, you clean. The next, he does, and so on. And one of you can't leave clutter everywhere either.
Talk about downgrading the flat to something more affordable to you, or you're going to feel pinched.
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