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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years- ages!!! We only spoke of marriage in the last month, as he wouldn't talk of it earlier. At the weekend he sort of said 'why get married?' I want to. Am I wasting my time? I've moved countries to be with him, and I'm not getting any younger, or should I give an ultimatum? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 September 2005):
 It could be that because you have been together for quite a while, that he doesn't see the point in getting hitched. You need to find out exactly what he feels about marriage and he needs to know exactly why you wish to get married now.
Open the communication channels and tell him how you feel. Giving him an ultimatum is only wise if you can accept the consequences. Examine how much you want to be with him. Would you remain with him if he never wanted to marry? Do you love him? How important is getting married to you? Have the answers to all these questions before you talk to him.
Some people simply don't wish to marry as they don't see the point to it and worry over what it may entail. This could apply to him but you will only know if you speak to him. Allow him to understand how much you want to be with him and express your needs and goals for the future.
Has your relationship always been happy up until now? Why has marriage only been discussed now? Perhaps you both want different things from the future.
Make a decision based on what he says.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): There are two big things here:
a) If he doesn't want to get married does he still want to be with you?
b) one of the major important things a couple must have in common to work is where they want their future together to go.
If you really want to get married and he doesn't then you will have to consider if it is worth wasting time on him- when there are plenty of people who would love to marry you out there (especially if he wants to break up- in this case get out of there asap!)
But if he doesnt want to marry you but wants to spend the rest of his life with you then that's different! Maybe he would consider a civil union? I guess it depends on the laws in your country.
Best of luck!
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