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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 19 and have known my bf for a couple of months but been with him for a little over a month. I recently just lost my virginity to him, maybe because I thought i felt love or whatever, or becuase I needed to satisfy my lust. Anyway, he's 26 and honestly has nothing to show for himself. He's an aspiring music artist with dreams of making it big, so needless to say he's always strapped for cash. Even though I'm in college, and trying to get my own place and all, I help him out with things that he needs and in emergency situations when he really needs money. My question is, he wants to know if I'm "built to last" while he really pursues his music career, and if I'll be able to help him out financially if need be. Should I hang in there? I feel for this guy, but not the way he feels about me. He tells me all the time how he and I have such chemistry, ow he doesn't want to lose me, how he'll give me any and everything when he gets where he wants to be, financially. He says that in his past relationships, when he had money, he took real good care of his girlfriend. Bought her car, gave her pocket money, etc. Am I being unfair to myself by staying in this relationship? I can't help but feel that I'm staying with him because he took my virginity. This guy really cares for me, I know that much, but is he asking too much of me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): Can I ask you what you are getting out of this relationship? It sounds to me like it's all about him! Please don't stay with somone because he was the first person you slept with!
Keep your money, keep going to school and if he really cares about you he will show you in his actions! Make no mistake, there are opportunistic people out there who are just looking for a good person like yourself to take advantage of! Take care!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): Honestly? He sounds worthless. Leave him.
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A
male
reader, Rhys +, writes (19 September 2005):
I registered on here to ask a question myself, and at the moment feel that I'm maybe not in the best position to be giving relationship advice. However, I feel compelled to reply to this question, as I used to be waiting for my "big break" in music too!
If your boyfriend is anything like I was, then he probably truly believed he will make it big. I tried for a few years and then gave it up and have only recently started to give it another go. I have been working for ten years now though. I feel you should talk to him and suggest that he finds work. Assure him that he can still persue his dream at the same time and that with a regular income he can give himself even more of a chance of making a success in music. If you feel that you're "in love" with him, you should assure him that you'll stand by him while he works towards his dream.
Losing your virginity to him does not mean that you are obliged to stay with him though.
If you do love him, you need to talk to him about his true feelings towards you and what he sees in your future together, and work from there.
Get him to write you a song, as many hidden feelings are conveyed in a song, I know this from experience of writing my own!
Not a complete answer, I know, but just a few of my own thoughts for you.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 September 2005):
 Examine honestly how you feel and then make plans from those emotions. If you are only staying with this guy because you lost your virginity to him and somehow feel honour bound to do so then I think you ought to look at finishing the relationship. You have to feel much more for him in order to make it work.
It is worrying that he asks if you are 'built to last'in terms of finances and kind of hints that he is using you I'm afraid. He is trying to lull you into a false sense of security by mentioning previous girlfriends and how he gave them so much. Did he really? Why did they finish? Could it be that you will financially invest a lot into this relationship to receive no return? I'm sorry to put it into the monetary sense but that is what he is doing. He simply shouldn't ask you for money; that is not why you are with him.
Go with your instincts. If you honestly feel that you don't feel enough anyway for this man, then finish it. I think you will save a lot of time and money in doing so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): Dear trust me, i had been in the same situation before but the only good thing i did was didn't have physical relationship with him because i wanted to loose my virginity after my marriage, Now i'm 29yrs old. We are both of the same age. I helped him out financilly for the past 6yrs and waited him to marry me until the 6th year. I met him when he was a student and he told me his financial status and helped him out since then but after he completed his education and had a well paid job as a Doctor and he still took money from me giving me many reasons and I studpidly kept helping him out but he never realized that he meant a lot to me than money. He never even bothered to give me a small gift just imagine and also never expressed his love to me as i did and whenever i used to ask him that why he never expresses his love he used to say that he's not good at words. But I really got bugged up with him and on the 6th year i broke up with out hopes of he marrying me. Dear sooner or later you will realize what a big mistake you have done waiting for somebody having hopes in them. Try to get out of this relationship now so that you might not be as stupid a me waiting for 6 yrs for something to happen.
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