A
female
age
36-40,
*rika473
writes:there is this guy i have known for almost a year. we met at a place we both used to work (but don't anymore). anyway, we were mostly just friends although i think he liked me a bit and i started to like him too..we are both very free-spirited and like our freedom, also he is just 22 and i have a lot of growing up to do too..i dont feel like i want a serious relationship for a long time (if ever)..anyway we did hook up a few times, only had sex one of the times, but mostly just kissed and hugged..but i was a bit attached to him..anyway he tried to push me away for a lot of our relationship (sometimes saying hurtful things or by giving me the silent treatment). im not perfect, sometimes i say things i don't mean or just to see a persons reaction..and i can be sarcastic and even a bit harsh, esp. with guys. one night when we were hanging out he was acting cold and distant, and i could also tell by the things he was saying (tho i don't know if he remembers these comments because we were drinking) that he was either testing me or he wanted me to "break-up" w him (i'm using "" because we were never officially together)..things like "i like as a person"..so ya i was kind of hurt and i tried not to respond or show it at all, he could probly tell but i don't know..until the am when i left without saying bye and took my stuff..we got in a fight over e-mail..then for a few months we didnt see each other or talk, just e-mailed occasionally. i kissed other guys but i missed him and i really wanted to at least be friends. we finally saw each other again, i think he wanted to hook up (maybe that was all he wanted?) but he lied to me about something and broke my trust again (even tho i told him i really didn't want him to let me down again)..i kind of got overly emotional and i know that scares guys in general..said mean things and i was mad for a while..this was a while ago and he still doesn't want to talk to me or work things out, then he finally said he has a gf now..i told him she was a lucky lady.. asked if we were cool, he wouldnt respond to this..i don't know why..but i can tell he wants me to leave him alone, probably for a long time..so my question is..i truly care about him and want to be friends, i think he can tell this, so is it best if i just let him contact me? or is it okay if i send him an e-mail in a few months just to say hi? or should i wait longer? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, erika473 +, writes (6 August 2009):
erika473 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for your response, you're sweet. is there any way i could add you to my friends list? that sounds a lot like our relationship, it wasn't the healthiest dynamic..although it was more about him depending on me in othr ways (not sexual)..in a way i wish we did still work together, I miss him..but on the other hand that would be soo hard i'm sorry u have to deal w that..i know it has been way better for both of us to have space, i have more energy to devote to better things (work, school, friends..) and i'm not worried as much about him..especially since i randomly ran into 1 of his coworkers at a bar last weekend and i heard he stopped smoking weed, runs to work, and is trying to be healthier..and he doesn't have a gf..which made me happy..seems like he's focusing on himself and learning to take care of himself better and be independent and good on his own. the space also made me realize i was just attached and see him point of view-i told him i don't really have bfs (im very free-spirited and don't like the element of control..). i don't see us being more than friends, so i understand why he pushed me away. i might go to his work to give him a gift and surprise him on his bday (which is not for a few months)..if he doesn't want to be friends even then i will give up, but i like him as a person and would like him in my life..anyway thanks again for your reply!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I agree, I dated a guy from work and we hooked up about 5-6 times over the course of a year, and well, there were times we fought over texting and he was also rude like your guy. Which made me feel like just a piece of ass. The bad part, is yes I liked him, and wanted more than he did, and from time to time miss him, but it really really hurt me emotionally, I had bad thoughts and cried alot. so its been a year now since we've been together and I feel that the time apart has done me some good. I text him less and less. But its been really hard, cause he and I still work together, and I was the one that had more feelings, guys aren't as emotional when it comes to sex. I think we as women put more into it. So, your lucky you don't work with him, my advice, stay away, find someone else, and if my some chance you do hook up with him, just keep in mind, guard your heart and tell yourself, its just sex and he's the piece of ass! lol! Take care and good luck
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A
female
reader, erika473 +, writes (15 July 2009):
erika473 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for ur advice, i see what you're saying and you are sweet to look out for me=) however, i don't want to be his girlfriend..and i think he might have felt rejected because i expressed this many times. when i tried to be friends after the break-up he said things like "what do you want from me?..i'll never be what you need," so it seems like maybe he likes me a little but realizes we'll never be more that friends. also he has emotional issues from being abused as a kid..i care about him and i really do want to be his friend..nothing else. i guess maybe this is just another case of "girls can't really be friends w guys"..esp. once it goes beyond that?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 July 2009):
How about NO! He's a jerk and supposidly has a new gf. Contact him never. His new gf isn't a "lucky lady." He does't respect you, you and him were friends with benefits and that's all. Find someone else who respects you and treats you right. You don't need him. If you try to contact him again he'll either A)Continue to give you the silent treatment or, B)He'll be rude. So the outcome of both of these will only make you feel more upset and disappointed. After some time you'll start to not care or want to be his friend. No contact is good, it allows you to move on.
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