A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why am i feeling so low with myself? im in a ldr for nearly 3 years and we are looking to be together for good this year, we spoke about it last year, but things have to be done to the house so we can all have a nice big room as we have kids from our previous partners. the house not big enough so we are building on, which we are hoping will be done this year, but i just spent xmas with him which yes was nice went too quick really. i tell him i love him as i really do he dont tell me he shows me hes more of a action man, which upsets me a bit cause would be nice to hear it once in a while, but nice he shows me on what he does for me, but sometimes when i look at him when he dont notice he stares into space as if hes thinking of something, has something on his mind looks all sad which upsets me, so i am ask him if hes ok he says yes im fine, hes one of these men that bottle things up...thats how he deals with problems in his life, now me i like to talk about things if i got things on my mind and he prefers if i do so can be sorted.with him been so cold towards me when he stares off into another world, i get the thinking his he thinking of been with someone else, how can i be the girl for him if he cant tell me he loves me, his he happy with me, does he wants a future, allsorts go through my mind, i dont want to go on about it too him cause i dont want him to think oh i cant handle all this her going on just finish it with her, so i suffer in silence.. we talk on the net every night and text every day, just to keep the contact going between us we do have good communication and we have been honest and loyal to each other from day one see each other as often as we can, but its just this thinking thing he does that really upsets me at times, i even suspected that something had gone on with one of his mates girlfriend that he has known for a long while but he said has only been platonic frienship nothing has ever gone on doesnt think of her in that way, and has no one else just me in his life, so why does he do this looking sad thinking thing? his girlfriend before me he was with for over 12 years was not the loving type, he told me that she was not the type to cuddle all the time kiss him odd time, me i am the loving type maybe hes not used to been loved i dont know ,i am all confused at the mo feeling unloved and insecure at the moment, i am taurus he his capricorn are we compatable, i feel hes my soul mate hes like me in a mans body...we connect so well dont know maybe its me, thats why im on here asking for some advice from your agony aunts and uncles maybe hes used to been independent dont think same as me..please any advice..do i have a chat with him or just look away when hes on a thinking thing again..i know he loves me cause of how he his with me even though he cant say it, but what if hes sad and not happy with me and is thinking of a way to tell me he dont want me or be with me anymore without hurting me thats what i am thinking and its getting me down i am him this but he says no hes fine happy with me, i just hope he not wating till something better comes along then it will be bye bye me anyway thanks again hope i can get some advice...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): THANKS FOR THE REPLY SO VERY CONFUSED i can see where you are coming from and i must say well done to be living together after doing the ldr you made it it is so hard at times and yes i am silly thinking he his plotting to leave me with this thinking thing he does i notice i do it myself sometime and not be thinking anything so do you sugest i just look away from him when he does the staring off to space so i cant dwell on it your right i do analize my relashionship instead of just enjoying it but beeen apart dont help i will be much happier when i am with him for good and he must love me if he his changing his whole house for me to move there thanks again for your reply it helped and i will learn to not say I LOVE YOU i will try the MINE thing and see if he says it back thanks for that
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I am with a similar man now. I had to learn to not say I LOVE YOU to him because he does not need nor want to hear it all the time. What I learned was that it means so much more now that I only hear it on RARE occasions…. When I feel the urge to tell him I love him I just grab him and hug him and say “MINE” I think he’s figured it out as he did that to me the other night and I said “MINE TOO”
I have noticed that since I stopped saying “I love you” he says it more often but still not what I am used to…
I learned that ACTIONS do speak louder than words. We were LDR for a year… now we live together…
I zone out sometimes… does not mean I am unhappy. Does not mean I don’t love him or want to be with him…. I just stare off and zone out…. Not much goes on in my brain then…. Maybe he’s the same?
IF you are happy and he says he’s happy and he continues to do things to move the relationship forward and things are good why are you LOOKING for the bad stuff???
Why are you so insecure that you think that he’s plotting how to leave you?
I would not badger him too much about that because it can get old and tired….
But if you have NEVER talked to him about this then ONE talk about it might soothe your fragile ego….
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