A
female
age
30-35,
*bonyBlossom
writes:My boyfriend has never given me an orgasm. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the sex, but I need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. He sometimes touches me down there, but never for long enough for me to orgasm, but I know if I asked him to carry on then he'd lose his sex drive and not want sex anymore. He's only ever done oral twice, and only the one time with me. And not gonna lie, it wasn't very good. I know he'd improve if I asked him to do it a few more times but I think he's a bit embarrassed by the fact that it didn't work for me the first time. I don't wanna touch myself while we have sex because it seems a bit mean to me that I'll be paying more attention to my own pleasure than to his, plus it's not the same because I love him and want him to do it. I think he knows sex doesn't make me orgasm, as I've never faked one, although I'm generally silent in bed anyway. The more in the moment I feel, the more I enjoy the sex physically, so maybe I just need to be a bit more into it and I can orgasm through penetration? I don't know what to do or say. It's not a major issue but it just seems a bit unfair that I can make him climax but I have to masturbate to get myself to orgasm =[
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orgasm, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): The best gift a woman can give a man is teaching him how to pleasure her. Each woman is different, and frankly, we need instruction, as we know what works for us and it's really simple, not so on a woman.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): 90% women don't orgazm from penetration. So, don't put much hope on that that it will happen in a future. To argue w/ previos poster about men not liking smell, if a man has chemistry w/a woman he will like the smell. Unless a woman is infected w/some vaginal bacteria that gives odor. Sometimes it happens. But in general if a woman is healthy she has her own smell that will attract a man.
I am sure most women wash themself before sex, as men should do the same. I don't think cleanliness is an issue here.
You guys are very young to be very experienced in all kinds of sex. But you need to communicate tohim in a loving manner what you need from him. Further in future the more difficult it gets. That's really not ok for you not to orgazm. Some men get very comfortable w/the idea that his woman doesn't orgazm anyway and let this issue go.
You need to be comfortable in bed w/him, so you can do whatever you need to do to orgazm:touching yourself is a part of it. Good luck
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A
male
reader, justhelpingout  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Hi, I'm piping in again on the oral sex issue.
I love getting and receiving oral sex and I have learned what works by watching her body, muscle movement, twitching, sounds etc,,
But,,,
Remember ladies, would you want to suck on a sweat salt stick? Men too like clean ladies. The amount of time spend will depend on the time of month (I'm not talking about flow days) and the time of day.
A few good questions to ask yourself are; am I horny or excited (sexually ready)?, am I clean?
Most men find pleasuring a women oral is a lot of fun, but some do not. They don't like the taste, smell (scent) or visualization of the female anatomy. I do, but sometimes the smell (scent) does not appeal to me, other days/times I don't wanna leave.
So, what may have happened for him is that he hit "bad day" both times, and doesn't want to try again. If you want it, gentle encourage him,, again, use this opportunity as a learning time. Have the anatomy book open, have a mirror in hand and have him get close to you to look at your body beautiful structures down there. If you are excite you will provide him with an irresistibleness aroma that he will want to try. This is also a good time for show and tell, if you get my meaning.
Good luck,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I think you need to understand that having an orgasm, means knowing what works for you, how you like to be touched, aroused and SHARE this with your partner.
FIRST get to know your own body, enjoy it, and explore what makes you orgasm. Which I presume you have to some extent, as you say you have to masturbate to orgasm after sex with your partner.
I note you say you're generally silent in bed, and that you don't want to touch yourself whilst making love with your boyfriend as it seems a bit mean. Ok, try to relax more into what you are feeling rather than concentrating on the orgasm itself, and obtaining one - A very old saying, " a watched kettle never boils" One you are probably not familiar with, nevertheless quite apt for you, as you're trying to achieve an orgasm, is likely to be affecting you relaxing and just going with moment.
And TWO, guys love to watch a woman please herself, to be carried away in that moment of her showing, and sharing with him how HE makes you feel and what HE makes you want to do.
Good sex, good love making, comes with practice, and to say your boyfriend wasn't very good at oral, hence he's only had oral with you once - you have to takes some responsibility for this. So what if he's not doing everything right at the right time ( I'm sure you don't) with GOOD guidance, and the right noises when he does hit the right spot,and encouraging him when he doesn't hit the right spot, In TIME he will gain more confidence, become more understanding of how YOUR body works, and YOU will become a more open and expressive lover.
I would be interested to know, to support my theory, that if any guys are reading this, am I right, that you love your woman to be expressive, and touch herself whilst you make love..Hopefully this will help EbonyBlossom..
When we first meet our new partner we seem to think sex should just fall into place, but we are all different, and like different techniques, so keep this is mind and explore together, and don't worry if things are not explosive straight away, the journey is good too, and when you do arrive at the heavenly destination of orgasming together, it will be because you have both felt confident enough with each other, to really get to KNOW what turns each other on.
Have fun whilst exploring and just let go!!
Jilly x
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A
male
reader, justhelpingout +, writes (25 July 2010):
I have been married for over 23 years now, and it seems the sex only got real good about 8 years ago for her. When we first got married there were MANY times that I did not bring her to orgasm, but she faked it, so I didn't know, it wasn't until we talked about it many many years later that I found out. She didn't want to offend or upset me. I was more upset that she faked it.
So the first thing I say is to Talk about it. Let him that it usually will take MUCH more stimulation for a woman to orgasm than a man,, shoot,, a man can orgasm just watching a movie. But, tell him what you do to yourself that give you pleasure, show him how to touch you, cause men can and will get to over doing it with the hands. (We forget that we don't feel the same way you do when touched).
Second, I ask first do you try different positions? I found that there were some that hurt and others that sent her over the edge multiple times within minutes of penetration. So try different ones,, BUT, if it hurts you STOP!! and let him know it's not him. The female anatomy is delicate.
Third, Fore play??? How long is your foreplay? This can be a great help to women, but remember that he may orgasm 2 seconds after beginning the intercourse. A desensitizing cream may help with these. Also, there are many books out there (with pictures) that can help teach you both how to feel and control your orgasms.
Forth, Talk,, yes, I know I already said it, but talk,, before- say what you want to try, and how. During- let him know if it feels good or if your getting close and for him NOT to stop. After-let him know what felt good or great and or what didn't. Make a log for both of you to come back to and review and improve.
Love making is an art, and you have to experiment with different medias to find the one that fits your personality.
Don't give up, be patient, it will come, but it may take time and practice, but always know you will never perfect it. It's an ongoing process of learning and adjusting. As we get older our bodies change. What use to take me 30 seconds to achieve now usually take 5 to 10 minutes, if I'm lucky enough to have an orgasm, but on the bright side if it,, she's having 2 to 6, so I guess all those years of the one sided orgasms is now coming full circle.
And lastly, and I think this is one of the most important things. KNOW YOUR BODIES.. get books that explain the male and female anatomies fully. Both of you need to understand where parts are, where they connect, how they work.. What makes a womens orgasm, what's the difference between an internal and external orgasm, how does time of month effect a womens and mans orgasm,,,, there are an endless number of questions. And, if you have one, find the answer TOGETHER..
Masturbate together.. have him watch you to see how you do it,, watch him,, see how he does it.. teach each other about your bodies, explore.. Have fun and love..
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Luucy +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Hi :)
I was in the same position at one time.
I have been with my BF for 3 years. I took the courage to explain my situation to him about not orgasming during sex and he said he had an idea but wasnt sure and didn't want to ask just incase he was wrong as it's a touchy subject for some people. Luckily, we talked about it and how he can sexually stimulate me whilst having sex at the same time and he was happy with the ''more foreplay'' idea! haha.
Sex has been great ever since I told him. You should talk to your BF about it because the chances are, he already may know you don't orgasmt but does not know how to bring it up. Communication is key in any relationship :) Once you talk about something as sensative as this, it will make your bond stronger as you can then feel comfertable to talk to him about anything :) good luck! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): As you are not faking it, then he is going to know you are not getting there. As you can get there yourself, you know what you want and need. He can't read your mind, you have to let him know what you like when he is hitting the right spot. You can do this by words, or by your actions, making the right noise. I don't thinking asking him to take longer on you is going to make him loose his sex drive. You may never climax through penetration alone, some women don't.
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