A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months, he doesn't love me (told me a couple of months ago - after I told him I loved him) He said it was too early for him (which is fair enough, I've accepted that and have not mentioned it again). But my question is, should I spend Valentines day with him - it seems a bit strange to spend it with someone who doesn't love me, but might do in the future. I'm normally a romantic sort and would like to spoil him, but I think it might be better for me to spend it with my friends rather than force a romantic night. I'm thinking that it might even upset me and that I might prefer to make an excuse and spend that particular day apart - any thoughts? Many thanks, SB Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): My gut tells me, like the others, that people are supposed to fall in love and/or love each other quickly --i.e., by 9 months. However, true love, not infatuation, from the perspective of most mature people, marriage and health professionals takes time. So, I think it is good of you to not push him to say he loves you if he needs time to get to know you. I also think it is good for you to draw the boundaries you see fit based on today's reality. Someday he may love you; today he doesn't --and Vday is for lovers. Spend it with your friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): after 9 months he says he doesnt love you? go out with your friends, spending that particular night with someone who doesnt love you cannot be tempting.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 February 2009):
Does he want to spend it with you?
You are choosing to stick with a man who says he does not love you, and after 9 months, probably never will. If Valentines is making you realise that this is a waste of time then great!
Spend it with friends and have a GREAT time out. Go and flirt with guys and feel sexy again. There is no harm in a bit of flirting as long as it's all done in fun.
Use that to realise you are wasting time on this guy when you could be with someone who thinks you are the best and wants marriage and a family with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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