A
female
age
41-50,
*corpionn
writes:I've been with this guy three years next month, but he still does the same things he does now, not listening to me when I speak, interrupting when I speak, saying hurtful things and then apologizing for it, telling me he doesn't need me or care if the relationship ends. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Straightshooter  +, writes (14 August 2007):
scorpionn,The penny drops! If only you'd said in your original post that the issues were occuring during arguements, disagreements.Lots of males act like your boyfriend does when in an arguement. Plenty of women do the same thing too. It's a complex issue and from what I about it there are a number of possible reasons for his behaviour. Probably the best solution would be to see a relationship counsellor as they will help find the triggers for his behavour in this situation. Another alternative is to have an honesty session where you both sit down and analyze an arguement, Literally tear it apart word by word, emotion by emotion and thought by thought to find out what sets him off on his verbal rampage and then try to avoid pressing that button in the future. Don't take this the wrong way, but women can be really good at unintentionally (or intentionally) hitting raw nerves in arguements and that can cause a guy to launch an all out verbal offensive in self defense. Good luck!
A
female
reader, scorpionn +, writes (14 August 2007):
scorpionn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciated the input from both people who answered, and honestly, we get along great except for when we argue or have disagreements. I have spoken to him about the way he conducts himself when we have an argument. He always apologizes for it and explains what he means. He really doesn't think before he responds. If he's angry he gets angry and usually gets angry because he misunderstands what I'm saying. I thought of walking away plenty of times. He's a sweetheart. Trust me. I'm just annoyed with trying to talk to him when we have a disagreement. After maybe a hour or two then we get to talking, he'll listen and I will say that's all we had to do to avoid such a blow-up. And...our arguments are usually about stupid things.
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (13 August 2007):
Hi,
He may need help to improve. But that’s his problem. You have wasted 3 precious years putting up with abuse that you didn’t deserve. You can’t have those 3 years back. Don’t make it worse by wasting any more time on him. Finish with him, and start looking for a good man to love. By all means tell him why you are doing it – it might encourage him to sort himself out before he messes up his next relationship as well. But like I said - his problem - not yours.
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A
male
reader, Straightshooter +, writes (13 August 2007):
He's using a well known method of mental abuse to keep you off balance and under control as it were. There's a very high chance that without professional help things will never improve and even with such help he may never stop his abusive ways. No person needs to be subjected to this form of abuse so my recommendation is to get out of the relationship and move on with your life.
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