A
female
age
41-50,
*estiny28
writes:Hi,I have been seeing this guy for over 2 months now and it's been pretty intense. We have fantastic times together. We've had our ups and downs lately because of his actions. He says: he says he wants to be with me and we are in a "relationship" but it really doesn't feel that he is commited to a relationship. Now, he is all confused and doesn't know what he wants but he doesn't want to loose me at the same time.I asked him are you in love with me? He couldn't give me a straight answer. One night I said to him this is not up to my standards and I deserve better then your confusion. He rocked up at my door at 2 am in the morning after being out with the boys and said I don't wanna loose you, I am into you etc.. he said don't you know I love you.... however him saying these words he doesn't remember but he isn't willing to admit that he is at least in love with me when he is sober? He says he is confused. Yesterday, he wanted us to lay low. I said that it's either you are in or out! He doesn't know what he wants. I said well that sums it up for me and wished him all the best in life and said goodbye. No more contact! Now, he is messaging me " not to confuse you but I miss you x" He does confuse me ... but what these type of guy at the age of 31 who cannot make up his mind of what he wants makes me wonder if he ever will. Please advice and give feedback!!!I am not contacting him whatsoever.... Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): 2 months ? Are you serious?
Why forcing him to commit to you? The problemis not him, the problem is you....you gave it out too quickly and now you want him to pay you back with a commitment. Why are you so worry? Is that some kind of poor self esteem or what?
If I was a man, I will walk away from you, you are too pushy. Imagine being with a pushy woman like you your entire life????? It is pure torture...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Exactly the same as I went through with an ex. I believe that I was a rebound/booty call even though he dressed it up that I was his 'girlfriend'. Well done for being so strong, girl. Now don't cave in. My ex kept texting me saying he missed me, but it was screwing with my brains so I showed him the door. Happy to say I haven't heard from him since and found a new boyfriend who I love to bits!
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A
male
reader, Chumley2222  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Hmm..it sounds as if there are a few problems. One, it seems by your description that you're 'forcing' him to choose between his own feelings and your own, and how can you ever expect an honest answer from him if he feels as if he has to placate you immediately? If he felt nothing for you, he would've just said he didn't love you and been done with it. He obviously feels 'something' for you, or he wouldn't feel the need to fumble around, or get intoxicated to tell you he loves you.
He probably doesn't feel love, but it's only been two months, and love goes at its own pace. He DOES have feelings for you, and they shouldn't be rushed. Instead of blustering and demanding an answer from him, simply ask him to reveal his feelings, and be sure to let him know that you will support whatever he says, even if that means he may leave or want some space. If you let him make his own choice and declare his true feelings, you'll feel better and so will he.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): You are a very respectable Lady...You do deserve better, and any man who can't or WON'T give that to you isn't deserving of your love. Keep strong to your convictions my lady....In years to come, hopefully this fella will realize the mistake he has made, by squandering your love. My prayers will be with you!
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (25 June 2008):
I think a may actually mean what he says. just because he's 31 doesn't mean that he doesn't have the right to be confused... no one is perfect... he maybe afraid to settle down... maybe he does not want to take things too seriously for fear of getting hurt...maybe he does not want a commitment period... he may be afraid he's going to hurt you even... if he is worth it then give it time... personally I think your handling it perfect... no contact is best for now... he is confused he needs time alone to figure out what he wants out of life...
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Too add to that, he is old enough to know what he wants and won't likely change for you at this age. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't want you 100%. You also don't want to be nagging at this guy all the time to put out in the relationship, you'll never know if he is sincere or just doing as you ask to keep you around. Good job in moving on. Keep going.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): q1605 nailed it. You did absolutely the right thing by dropping him. Good for you! A strong woman! You don't want to waste any more time on this boy who only wants his toy when someone threatens to take it away. You want a man who knows what he wants and goes after it; and that's what you deserve. If he's not growed up by 31, he's not going to get growed up ;) Don't look back - be available for when a real man comes along.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Damn, thats rediculous! One thing I havelearned is that when a person acts confused and goes from one end of an idea to the whole other end, there is an alternative motive. There is something going on, he doesnt want you to know about, and it is causing him to feel confused. When that "something else" is not going the way he wants, he goes to you, because you are solid, you are his shelter. He is sure that you will always be there for him. The best thing to do is what you already are doing, discontinue being his safe haven. If he comes by and wants to talk, tell him "Cut the crap, there's something going on that you are not being honest about, and you need to come clean, because I deserve that much from you". He might be shoked at first, but eventually, he'll tell you, or he will bail. Either way, you can get closure. If he bails, then good, because you can have a chance to move forward and find a guy that deserves you. Good luck.
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